The Weirdest Christmas Movie Ever Made

December 23, 2008

Filming on Mars, Martian condos, even Martian dust devils -- these have all been blog post topics this year on Twisted Physics. So why not feature a Martian Christmas movie in honor of the holiday season? I'm talking about the one and only 1964 sci-fi film Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, which has the dubious distinction of being regularly ranked among the worst movies ever made. (It also introduced the world to an 8-year-old Pia Zadora as one of the Martian children, so the filmmakers have a lot to answer for.)

I've actually watched this celluloid disaster, albeit not completely sober: I had pals who turned the film into a kind of annual holiday drinking game involving pitchers of margaritas. Basically, the Martians decide their children need to develop freedom of thought and a sense of fun, and what better way to accomplish this than by kidnapping Santa Claus and bringing him to Mars to make toys for their own kids? A couple of Earth kids get kidnapped, too, for no apparent reason, plus there's an evil Martian who's intent on killing Santa. Eventually Santa wins over the race by "bringing fun, happiness and Christmas cheer."

If that seems just the ticket for your Christmas eve festivities, rent the DVD today. (The full 80-minute film can be found on YouTube, too, having passed into the public domain, although it's even more blurred and grainy than the original.) Or you can watch the opening credits/annoying theme song with Joel and his Robot Friends in this classic Christmas edition of Mystery Science Theater 3000 (the opening skit features a nefarious invention of his killjoy Evil Overlords, "the wish squisher"). This is a movie that screams out for wisecracking robot friends. All that's missing are the Christmas margaritas.