What Are You Thankful For?

November 24, 2009

I mentioned in my brief bio that I’m a Facebook addict, and it’s true. I know most of the time people write trivial updates like “Just watched a great movie” or “Just went to the bathroom,” etc. But, I think, it’s a fun way to keep up with friends, especially friends I haven’t seen or talked to in a while. (Unfortunately, it’s also a great way to procrastinate) But I noticed the other day a new “viral” posting about giving thanks:

“Let's see how many people can do this. Every day this month until Thanksgiving, think of one thing that you are thankful for and post it as your status. ‘Today I am thankful for...’ The longer you do it, the harder it gets! Now, if you think you can do it, then repost this message as your status to invite others to take the challenge, then post what YOU are thankful for today.”

Now I didn’t post it as my status message but I’ve noticed that a lot of those “Just ate a sandwich for lunch” updates have been replaced with thoughtful posts about things that people are grateful for in their lives..

I think it’s nice to take a moment to really think about all the good things in your life. When do you ever do that?

When I was younger we celebrated Thanksgiving with the Katz family. For years my immediate family would join their extended family at their house in River Vale, NJ. As we all got married and had children, they added tables and chairs and continued to accommodate all of us first in their living room and then in their basement. It was always a good time -- like a big play date with tons of good food.

But they sold their house and moved to the city many years ago. We were at a loss for a new Thanksgiving tradition for a few years but now we celebrate it at my house. My parents fly in from New York every year because my daughter’s birthday is within a day or two of the holiday. We usually take in few Thanksgiving “orphans” too. I’m often too stressed about the meal and the evening to think about what I’m grateful for, but I am definitely starting that tradition this year. I'll have everyone go around the table and say what they're most grateful for in their lives. Because it’s not only nice to think about what you’re grateful for in your life, but to also hear what others are.

What are you thankful for?

Do You Read Bad News About Children?

November 19, 2009

Last week I took note of the MacLaren stroller recall, but I avoided reading news about the amputations caused by the faulty products. Whenever I see a headline that involves injury or harm to a child, I am drawn to it but try to resist reading it because I know the story will stay with me.

Two years ago there was a flash flood in Denver and there was a story about a grandmother who got caught in it while taking her 2-year-old grandson for a walk. She ended up in an unfortunate location where the water rose too quickly for her to seek shelter. I remember reading that she held on to some sort of pole but could not keep her grip on her grandson, who was carried away by the water. When rescuers found her she was so distraught about her grandson she begged them to leave her and go search for him.

I was riveted by this story and checked the headlines regularly for an update, hoping that they would find him unharmed. It did not end well. This story still haunts me. I was tempted to write a letter of condolence to the family because I was so upset by the news.

Since I’ve become a parent my taste in movies and books has changed also. Although I love Mark Ruffalo, I wouldn’t even consider seeing his movie "Reservation Road," where he accidentally kills a child in a car accident. And even though "TheLovely Bones" by Alice Sebold was a muched talked about best-seller, I skipped that one too because I knew it involved the death of a child.

But some moms are the opposite of me. Lisa Belkin writes in her Motherlode Blog that she is drawn to reading about tragedies or thinking about tragic things happening to her children because she (strangely) thinks that is she does, this will somehow protect her family from these types of events.

“As a reporter, I noticed long ago that the response to nearly any newsworthy tragedy is, ‘I never thought it could happen to me,’” she writes. “Hence, absurdly linear logic would mean that thinking about it will ensure it will not happen. So when planes take off I imagine them crashing, when my children pull away from the curb I flash on the worst possible consequences, when they cough I fast-forward to tuberculosis.”

I think it’s because of our 24/7 news cycle that every outlet needs to keep their website fresh or their videos compelling that there is so much more tragic news reported than ever before. And as a result, we read about abductions or kidnappings as if they were commonplace as opposed to the extremely rare situations that they are.

So is the answer to avoid tragic news or consume it so that we become jaded or immune to it? Maybe it’s just healthier to focus on celebrity gossip? (ha!)

How to Make Your Skin Feel and Look Better This Winter

November 17, 2009

About this time of year I begin to itch – a lot. And I have trouble sleeping because my throat becomes so dry at night that it’s almost painful. I compulsively apply chapstick to my lips and slather cream on my hands. Winter is so drying, especially here in Colorado that I feel like a big scarecrow sometimes. And when you turn on your heating system, it sucks even more moisture out of the air.  But there are ways to combat this drying winter weather that really work, if you follow them.

• One of the first things I do when I start feeling dry is break out my humidifier. I swear this solved my sleep problem immediately but it has a multitude of benefits with regards to dry skin. Riley Greene, M.D., of the Denver Skin Clinic says that a humidifier won’t only help you feel better; it will make you look better too. “When the skin dries, wrinkles appear more prominent,” says Greene. "If your skin is hydrated, it will look plumper and hide the wrinkles." But many people are confused as to what type of humidifier to buy: warm mist, cold mist, big, small, etc. You can check out this article I wrote for Gaiamlife.com about humidifiers and how to pick the right one for advice.

• Change your daily body and hand moisturizer to an ointment or crème, says Casey Gallagher, MD of the Boulder Valley Center for Dermatology. “You want to use something that you can squeeze from a tube or scoop out of a jar,” Dr. Gallagher explains. For your face, an ointment or crème might be too heavy during the day so a regular lotion will be Ok but just make sure it has sun protection. At night, be sure to use something thick and heavy—even a simple slather of Vaseline or Aquafor will do the trick.

• Cut down on hot showers and baths. According to WebMD, the “intense heat of a hot shower or bath actually breaks down the lipid barriers in the skin, which can lead to a loss of moisture.” They recommend taking a lukewarm bath oatmeal or baking soda. I’m going to admit right now that although I trust this advice is true, it’s not something that I could do. I love my hot showers and am willing to suffer the consequences rather than give them up. Fortunately, Dr. Gallagher says if you simply make them shorter, then you should be fine. He adds that you should use a non-drying soap and be sure to slather on body crème or ointment within minutes after your shower or bath to lock in the moisture.

• Lip protection is essential in the winter. Nothing is more uncomfortable or less kissable than dry chapped lips. Access Hollywood offers these tips to save your lips:

1. Use a wet (wrung out) washcloth to vigorously “buff” the lip area. This provides just the right amount of exfoliation and removes dead dry skin, leaving behind a smooth surface.
2. Rub everything you use on your face all over your lips – and be generous. This means moisturizers, Retin-A, AHA’s, etc.
3. Finish with a sealant. Use something that is thick and emollient. This idea is to leave behind a barrier that sits on your lips throughout the night and prevents moisture from escaping. Some great examples are plain old Vaseline or Elizabeth Arden’s Eight Hour cream.
4. In the morning, make certain you again massage your facial products onto your lips and you won’t believe how silky, plump and smooth they will look. Say goodbye to those undesirable dry, chapped lips!

What are your winter skin care tips?

Photo credit: Getty Images

The Importance of Date Night

November 12, 2009

With two working parents, or just two parents, life can get pretty chaotic, stressful and busy. My husband and I try to kiss each other when he gets home every night, but sometimes it just doesn’t happen. Dinner, bathing the munchkin, and other general life things interfere. And then he’s often annoyed that the house is not as tidy as he’d like it and I’m annoyed that he’s annoyed that the house is not tidy since I work from home – I’m not just hanging out all day. And then there are little issues to discuss like if I remembered to pick up dog food and did he remember to bring Selby’s sippy cup home from daycare.

It seems impossible that a night out together, without the kid, could possibly be romantic. But…somehow it is. I’ll dress up and wear makeup – he’ll compliment me, which makes me feel a little giddy. We head out to dinner and hold hands. We talk about things, without getting interrupted; enjoy a glass of wine or two – or in our case, a Cosmo or two. I’ll make fun of him for drinking a pink drink. And all of sudden, it feels like we’re dating again. It’s quite startling what a night out alone together can do. In just a few hours, you’re reconnected and recharged as a couple.

My mother came to visit this weekend and insisted my husband and I go out of town for the night so she could spend time alone with her granddaughter. We booked a night at a B&B outside of Vail. I thought: do we really need to spend the night in the mountains during this mud season? We can’t ski or snow shoe. What are we going to do? We walked to dinner (the only restaurant open in town), lit candles in the room, slept late, hiked the next day and just had a wonderful time together.

I think it’s easy to forget how vital a date night (or weekend) is. It’s important not to go too long without one. I think many of us get so caught up in our daily routine that it’s hard to make the effort to break out of it – get a babysitter, make a dinner reservation or buy tickets to a movie, show or concert. Even the Obamas make time for date night!

And, if you’re on a budget, you can do a kid swap with your neighbor so you’re not paying a sitter, and there are so many restaurants offering special deals these days, it’s not that hard to have a nice-ish dinner. In the warm weather, a picnic is lovely.

Our photo editor picked the photo for today’s Blog post because she said it reminded her of how "blissful" she and her husband were on their date night, without their 7-month-old baby boy, last Saturday. “Greydon is a joyful and very pleasant baby, however every parent needs a break even from the most wonderful kid,” she says.

When was the last time you and your husband had a date night? Was it blissful? How do you make time for it?

Photo credit: Jonathon Ford/Getty Images

Could You Be a Bumpaholic?

November 10, 2009

I remember when I was pregnant and my husband and I were playing blackjack in Las Vegas. This guy next to us was smoking and, although I felt bad for asking someone to give up a vice in Las Vegas of all places, we played “the pregnancy card.” “Excuse me, my wife is pregnant. Would you mind not smoking?” my husband asked. Of course he stopped.

Playing the pregnancy card (getting a seat on the bus, moving to the head of the bathroom line, getting a table at a restaurant first, etc.) is one of the many rewards of being pregnant. That healthy glow, being pampered, having your husband do all the heavy lifting without asking – are all benefits of expecting as well. My favorite pregnancy perk is not having to worry about your weight and people still telling you you look great.

But, would all this special treatment encourage me to have more children – over and over again?

“Women’s Health” magazine has coined a new term to describe a woman who is “addicted” to being pregnant and having children –a Bumpaholic. “Some women may like being pregnant a little too much, often driven to rapidly reproduce out of insecurity, a craving for attention, or feelings of abandonment by their own parents.” The article suggests that many women have children to fill a void in their life or to avoid having to make a career or other big life decision.

Meagan Francis, author of the Happiest Mom Blog and mother of five, stands up for moms of large broods in Babble.com. “Why do we question the motives surrounding the decision to have children (or not) with so much more cynicism than we do other decisions? If someone volunteers for a nonprofit or has a large circle of friends, no armchair psychologist would bother to question whether she was trying to "fill a void" with meaningful activity or companionship. It would instead be accepted that creating relationships with other human beings is a normal, natural and human desire.”

In other words, why bash moms who want big families?

Do you think Michelle Duggar, Betty Hayes or Kate Gosselin are Bumpaholics?

Honestly, when I watch their shows I don’t think of their birthing as addictive behavior. I see them as women who love children who’ve left the size of their families up to fate. I doubt Michelle Duggar set out to have 19 children, but she’s embraced the challenge.

On the other hand, I do have friends whom I question their decision to have a second, third or fourth child. I look at their choice and wonder, sometimes, why are they having another? I suspect that it’s to avoid going to back to work or making a career decision or maybe to fill a void in their relationship with their spouse, or just so they can feel special again.

Do you think you might be a Bumpaholic? Do you have friends that could be Bumpaholics? Do you think the term is bogus or sexist?

How Not to Get Kicked off a Plane with Your Toddler

November 05, 2009

I don’t know a single person who actually looks forward to boarding a plane with a young child in tow. Since I frequently travel with my daughter, without my husband, to visit my family in New York, I particularly dread this activity. I remember the early days with her sleeping sweetly in my lap, while my bladder threatened to burst from holding it in for two hours. And then there’s the time when she said “hi” to the gentlemen next to me -- continuously for 20 minutes. Luckily, he had small children of his own and said it didn’t bother him. I had to believe him since he didn’t try to change seats, but how could it not?

When I actually do travel with my husband and daughter it’s like a vacation (and it usually is) because I can actually read a book – sometimes for a whole 10 minutes at a time! Every year it gets easier – and harder in a different way too.

You might have read about the 2-year-old boy and his mother being kicked off a Soutwest Airlines flight. From what I read the boy was shouting, but not necessarily behaving inordinately bad. But the stewardess felt that if he continued to shout throughout the flight, it would be way too disruptive to the other passengers. In spite of the mother’s insistence that her boy would quiet down soon after take-off, they were escorted off the plane. That story pisses me off – and makes me nervous at the same time.

I read this hilarious account of a mother trying to avoid that situation in Lisa Belkin’s Motherlode Blog by making a hand puppet out of an airsick bag. The first puppet worked so well at quieting her out of control toddler that she grabbed the bag in her husband’s seat to create another one. She stuck her hand in it, only to find out that it had been used for the purpose it was intended for. “You think that having a child has prepared you for dealing with the bodily functions of humanity. Until you’re wearing a glove made of the puke of a stranger,” she writes.

There are easier ways to tame your toddler other than to shove your hand into a vomit-filled airsick bag. Here are a few:

1) I just read about this cool product on the Ain’t No Mom Jeans Blog called the CARE Harness. Instead of struggling with a giant car seat on the plane, this nifty little product weighs only 1 lb, is FAA approved, fits into a 6 inch stuff sack and is easy to install. Designed for children at least 1 year old and 22 lbs up to 44 lbs and 40 inches, you can check your car seat if you need it on the other end of the flight, and be free to just struggle with just your diaper bag and child.
2) Obviously, bringing games, books, snacks and other activities is a good place to start. We’ve found this great game that keeps Selby (and another willing participant) busy for quite some time. It’s called Zingo – like Bingo but easier. We bring it everywhere we go. The box says it’s for ages 4 and up, but at 2 Selby had already mastered, sort of. She cheats.
3) My daughter is not really into movies or TV yet (although she loves watching basketball), so this tip does not work for us. But for many children, a portable DVD player goes a long way. Or, many airlines offer TV that usually includes at least one cartoon or children’s channel for free or a small cost (for your sanity).

What are your tricks for getting your children to not drive you (or everyone around you) crazy on an airplane?

Do/Should You Post Your Children's Photos Online?

November 03, 2009

I finally downloaded photos from Labor Day Weekend in Aspen and found the most adorable photo of my 3-year-old daughter kneeling on a picnic table with her little tush showing as she rifles through the diaper bag looking for a pull-up—snow-covered mountains in the background. It’s quite a photo and one that I’d love to share with my friends on Facebook. But, for the first time, I’m a little hesitant to share Selby baring her adorable tiny little bottom. Although Facebook only shares my photos with people I’ve selected as my friends, at this point I have about 600 friends and I can’t honestly say I really know all 600 of them that well.

A while back I posted a video of Selby in the bathub on YouTube so that I could share it with my family on my Blog. I did hesitate before doing it. In the end, I figured the chances of anything inappropriate happening were very slim. But I did feel a concerned about whether I was doing the right thing.

In a recent NY Times article called “Guardians of their Smiles” Douglas Quenqua says that Facebook is rapidly taking the place of baby books and that the discussion of whether or not it’s safe or appropriate to post your children’s photos online is a heated one – up there with whether to spank or when to let children travel alone.

There are some on the conservative side that do not post any photos of their children online -- at all, some in the middle that post some photos (but no nude shots), and others that post them all.  And then there are thousands of shades in between. One mom only posts on sites that are password protected another only Flickr, but not YouTube or Facebook.  Bathtub photos are a very hot topic.

“Parents are grappling with what is safe, and what fears are irrational. As with most debates about child safety, the risks are not as severe as many imagine. But neither is posting photos online as safe as many assume,” writes Quenqua.

Yikes.

At this stage, my mother expects photos from Kodak Gallery. She’s still anxiously awaiting Halloween shots. Since that is a password protected site, I feel pretty safe with that one. But as a Facebook addict, I crave the feedback from friends after I post cute photos of my daughter. So far, I’ve never posted a bathtub or nudie patootie photo on the site yet, but I really love that Aspen shot and would love to show it off.

Other issues involve posting photos of your children with their friends online. I would think the other parent would be happy to see photos of their children, but if they are of the mindset that it’s wrong, you’ll risk creating an issue.

In the NY Times comments section, one parent says that at her child’s grammar school the principal makes an announcement at the beginning of all school related events “specifically stating that photography and videos are for your personal use only and are not to be posted to any public Internet, photo sharing or Youtube-like site.” She says s its “reassuring to know that your child's class picture won't end up publicly displayed where you don't want it to be.”

While another one writes: “You know how many pictures of children there are on the web? What is the chance of a pervert finding the ones of your children, of all the children, and deciding to kidnap them? You should be more afraid of them getting hit by lightning...”

What is your policy for posting photos of your children online?

Photo credit: Getty Images

Try Going Meatless One Day a Week

October 29, 2009

Whether you’re trying to go vegetarian or just wanting to cut down on your meat consumption, a good place to start is devoting one day a week to going meatless.

Personally, I’m an advocate of eating everything in moderation. I got that advice from my beautiful grandmother who was thin and gorgeous until the day she died at 88. And honestly, I don’t think there is one food type, or group, that I could cut from my diet without missing it terribly. I used to think that this was because I just loved to eat, but my sister-in-law who shares my passion is a strict vegetarian, proving that you can still be a foodie and a vegetarian (and maybe even a vegan too).

I do, however, recognize the benefits, health and environmental-wise, of cutting down on meat. Need a few reasons to get you started?

1) Lia Huber writes in NourishNetwork.com: “Given that most of us fall short of our veggie quota and tend to eat more meat than we need, it’s a chance to even out the scales for a healthier body. And it’s good for the earth too; meat and poultry are much more energy-intensive to raise than vegetables. Cutting out meat just once a week (which adds up to 15% of your total diet, by the way) means your weekly meals have a smaller footprint on the planet.”

2) Numerous studies point to a link between high red meat consumption and certain cancers, heart disease and diabetes. Cut down on your red meat consumption -- reduce your risks for these diseases.

3) According to the website MeatlessMonday.com, “The United Nations’ Food and Agriculture Organization estimates the meat industry generates nearly one-fifth of the man-made greenhouse gas emissions that are accelerating climate change worldwide . . . far more than transportation. And annual worldwide demand for meat continues to grow. Reining in meat consumption once a week can help slow this trend.”

Are you in? If so, the next step is to figure out how to go meatless on Mondays or any day of the week. Here are few ideas:

1) Huber suggests choosing meaty vegetables like mushrooms, eggplant and winter squash because they have a succulent mouth feel to them that mimics that of meat.

2) Visit the Meatless Monday website for delicious vegetarian recipes like Whole Wheat Pumpkin Muffins, Candied-Walnut Ravioli and Sweet Potato Burritos. You can also visit food writer Kim O’Donnel’s Licking Your Chops Blog for her Meatless Monday recipes every Monday.

3) Experiment with alternate proteins and whole grains, says Huber. Feature side dishes (like lentils or rice) and garnishes (think nuts) in more prominent roles. Lentils, nuts, eggs and tofu are all packed with protein and, paired with whole grains and vegetables, are surprisingly satisfying as a main meal.

I like the idea also as a way to challenge myself to cook something different instead of the same old marinated chicken and roasted veggies. Quinoa anyone?

Do you think you could go meatless one day a week? Do you have any favorite vegetarian recipes to share?

Learn more about becoming a vegetarian at www.tlccooking.com

Photo credit: Getty Images

How Has Parenthood Changed You?

October 27, 2009

Remember that scene from the movie “As Good As It Gets” with Jack Nicholson and Helen Hunt, where he pays her that whopper of a compliment: “You make me want to be a better man”? Sometimes I feel that way about being a parent. Having someone that I need to take care of, who is going to look up to me, makes me want to be a better person, or rather, I think has actually made me a better person.

For one, I think I’m more patient. When my daughter throws a fit because she wants to wear the Cinderella underwear that’s in the wash, and refuses to put on anything else, I’m able to convince her after several minutes of drama to put on her Elmo ones instead. I don’t think before having a child I’d believe I’d have the patience to talk her into it instead of forcibly shoving them on her.

When I worked in New York, I think I was sometimes a little intimidating and demanding. I always spoke my mind (often without thinking first) and that put people off a bit. Now I feel like I’m a lot more easy-going. In fact, my friend Amy used to (jokingly, I hope) call me Jo-hell and now she calls me Jo-nice.

Also, I think to some degree I’m more at peace. I’ve always wanted children. It took me a long time to get here but now that I have a great husband and a delightful little girl, I feel more settled (in a good way) than I ever have.

Meagan Francis, mother of five (yes five!) and writer of The Happiest Mom Blog, says that motherhood changed her from someone who was overly concerned what others thought to someone who doesn’t “give a fig.”

“As the years went on and I found my voice I became both a stronger advocate for my kids as well as more compassionate and accepting of other choices (I realized that the less I worried about being judged, the less I felt the need to judge others). My backbone grew steelier with each passing month, and it was noticeable in every area of my life: relationships, parenting, work.”

Francis also says she’s become more accepting of others. “One of the most important lessons I’ve learned as a mom is just how different people are, and just how OK and wonderful that really is.”

But not everyone says that parenting has brought out the best in them. Amy, mother of two boys, said she was much nicer before her kids (honestly, I don’t really remember that considering she used to call me Jo-hell). And my friend Melissa, mother of three boys, says “I think an easier question for me to answer is: ‘In what ways hasn't it changed you?’ It bends you in so many ways, sometimes to the point of snapping.”

My friend Eileen, mother of a girl and boy, says she is very changed in the most positive way: “I am a much, much happier person. I laugh more. I smile more. And, I think it's true that kids keep you young. At least I like to tell myself that!”

How has parenting changed you – for better or worse?

Tricks and Funny Tips for Getting Your Kids to Eat Veggies

October 21, 2009

My daughter used to be an eater to brag about. She’d sit down to a meal of grilled salmon, roasted string beans and couscous and clean her plate. That was then (about six months ago). Now at three, she’s begun picking the veggies off her pizza. “I don’t like that, take it off!” she whined when served her an artichoke, olive and tomato pizza this weekend. (Not happy about the whining either.)

Not sure if she learned this behavior at school, through friends and or she decided on her own that she’s done with veggies, but I’m getting a little worried about her all-carb diet these days. I mentioned this issue to other friends and pretty much all of them said they’re struggling with the same. “Oh, sure, whenever I try to sneak broccoli or other veggies in their mac-n-cheese, they pick them out,” says my friend Rachel.

I turned to 600 of my closest friends on Facebook and got some fun, and some good, advice on how to fool, er, I mean, entice, your kids to eat their vegetables.

• Renee writes on her Raising Boys World Blog that she dangled the possibility of becoming a superhero in front of their carrots: “If you want you want to become a super hero, you need to go through super hero training. All super heroes are required to eat veggies as part of their training.” She claims it worked, or at least they made her think it worked.
• In EffortlessEating.com, food writer Elizabeth suggested offering yummy dips with the veggies. The dipping action can make the green stuff not only more palatable but also fun to eat. “Sometimes a simple thing like an exciting dip can make vegetables more appealing."
• Only a hipster from Brooklyn like my friend Kevin Cashman could use this one: “I tell my three-year-old daughter that Madonna ate lots of vegetables to be strong and glamorous. “
• Ilene, an old college friend and mom of three boys says: “Get a Vitamix blender and make fruit smoothies with spinach, kale and carrots along with all kinds of fruit. They taste great, just like fruit only and kids love em.” Although, I imagine any blender will do.
• Preston Forman says he tries to make it fun with his two-year-old: “I put chick peas and green peas in my mouth and ‘pop’ my mouth. She giggles and mimics me...and eats the veggies.”
• Lisa Cutter says repetition is the key. “All the disguising techniques are good. But really, it comes down to repetition. We make them take a no-thank-you bite of everything on the plate. My kids used to not like asparagus, but after trying it about 10 times, they will now eat it. You can acquire taste -- I read about this once and it really works.”
• And lastly, although my friend Marie is not a mom she suggested this pretty cool sounding new product from the company she works for that was designed specifically for this problem. It’s called Little Blends from Horizon, and it’s a blend of yogurt, fruit and veggies in a yogurt cup. I know I can get Selby to eat that.

What’s your trick for getting your kiddies to eat veggie?

Check out TLC's Cooking with Kids for some fun ideas.

Photo credit: Getty Images