Why Do We Put Our Child in Pageants?

January 23, 2009

TLC asked me to blog about my experience being the father of a young pageant contestant. My 2-year-old daughter, Ava, competes on the pageant circuit. I hope this blog gives you a little insight into our world.

The first thing people ask is, why put such a young child in pageants? I have always enjoyed the pageant scene. I enjoy designing costumes for her and allowing her to just play dress up. If she wins crowns along the way,  good for her, but its not number one on our list.  My wife and I have just been very fortunate that she enjoys pageants and is talented. If she likes what she is doing then I will continue to engage her in that environment.  People say that she is too young to understand what she is involved in, but don’t underestimate a 2-year-old -- or at least not mine. Ava loves this scene as well.

Comments

[Claire]

Maybe its just me that thinks show casing your baby is wrong. It seems to me like it is a way too competetive scene for a 2 year old. Who cares if the kid likes it, doesn't mean its right.

[courtney]

My daughter has been doing pageants since she was six months old, she is now almost 18 months old. My goal si to give her the exposure now to prepare her for the Miss America Pageant, if she wants to still do it. The minute she says she does not want to do it, we will stop. I don't think people realize that the Miss America pageant can open so many doors for girls. More important, the Miss America Pageant is the nations leading scholarship giver! Fox news just did a show and interviewed former Miss America's as well as the 2009 one, and people would be amazed how far the title can get you. As far as the make up on kids part, I'm not sure that I would do that, I think my daughter is beautiful with out it. On the flip side people have no problem putting makeup on kids for Halloween, so why not pageants?

[Heather]

I watched the show and I really enjoy getting an inside look at the world of pageants. The girls are all very cute but I really enjoyed watching you David. I am thinking you should have a show of your own! You are The Best Ever!

[Derek]

Absolutely horrifying.

When your child is old enough to realize what you've done to her, to see the path that you've put her on, and to recognize the 'values' that you've pushed on her, you will be very lucky if she is ever able to forgive you.

They are not dolls to dress up, or pets to be paraded. These are your children. You should be protecting them, not exploiting them.

[PAGEANT QUEEN, MOM AND NOW GRANDMA]

Pageants are just a hobby and a way to see your little one look like a princess. where can we find a place to take our little ones all dressed up like little dolls Society has target pageants in a negative way. But there are many other hobbies that also require for girls to use makeup and false hair, such as ice skating, dance, sheer, and more!! For my family and I pageants have been a hobby for 4 decades and we have so much fun at them, My daughter and son are now serving their country and are educated and very confident. I am a proud pageant Grandma who competed in her young years, as well as a pageant mom. There are more things to worry about in life than a hobby that brings families together so I say to the parents of this beautiful children GOD BLESS YOU ALL from this evil individuals who want to spread their anger all over.. Good Luck to all the Girls who compete and to all the Directors who work so hard to provide such a fun hobby for us who love pageants..

[Jada]

I think that pageants are wonderful. No, I have never been a pageant queen and no, I don't have a daughter to expose it to. Many people do not like the idea and thats their opinion that I don't have to agree with. Your child is learning different talents, working hard, feeling beautiful, and earning self-confidence which is VERY important in a child's life, especially a girl's. You are doing a great job and I completely have no doubts about your daughter's pageant life.

[ramona]

David, my husband and I love your family. We hope that you continue
appear on the show and we will watch every week. Ava is so sweet and natural. I'm amazed at some of the negative feedback, stay positive. We love you.

[Johanna]

Loved the show will be watching the next episode. My daughter only has done Natural Pageants but after watching this episode she said Momma I think I want to do the GLITZZY pageants. So we will see! They take alot of money and time.

[Mike]

I understand the skepticism of viewers and the questions of why someone would want their child in a pageant. Our daughter asked us to do pageants while watching the Miss America pageant at 5 years old. We started her off in a local pageant which she won. She's done around 20 in the 3 years she's been competing and has won several titles. We only do natural pageants and I agree some of the glitz pageants are over the top, especially for younger kids. If at any time our daughter says she wants to stop doing them we will stop. In the meantime, she has learned so much poise and confidence by competing. She's had to do interviews and introduce herself in front of hundreds of people at 2 State pageants. Not many adults could do this with confidence, much less a 7 year old. She understands winning isn't everything and actually has fun doing this. I encourage everyone to keep watching the episodes on TLC, because not everyone they highlight in the show pushes their kids and do pageants for the wrong reasons.

[just me]

First off I must say that we have put my neice in pageants since she was four, starting out she done about 8 a year for the first two years, but they were always natural pageants,and she loved it, no make-up, fake hair, teeth, etc. She is 9 now, and now she does about 2 a year, and that is when she says she wants to do them, but she has ALWAYS loved doing pageants and I see no wrong in a Natural Pageant and it does not teach them you have to be perfect it teaches them to have good self esteem and confidence in themselves. She currently holds many titles and most proudly our 2008 state title. The older they get more opportunities open to win scholarships for college. Second for the people commenting about them having a normal life her life is very normal she never misses a birthday party, she gets to do stuff with her friends whenever she wants to, she is a cheerleader, and in gymnastics, she also plays SOFTBALL, and Baseball, and yes it is all her choice, she gets to do everything any other little girl would do, if not more. She is very outgoing and at the same time the most sweet and caring kid you will ever meet she is always wanting to do stuff to help other kids out, she does not put anybody down, and being in pageants has taught her that nomatter what everybody is a winner. She has also gained great speaking abilitys in front of a big crowd. She is your everyday small town girl, and as long as she wants to do this stuff she will. However I do not agree with Glitz pageants, (myself) the dresses are ok to use but I don't believe in taking a kids natural beauty away from them, because nomatter what I think they are just as beautiful without all the fake stuff. But thats just me!

[Amy]

I admit I don't really understand pageants. Dressing up little girls like there thirty? Anways, I understand if your child enjoys it, then it's fine. BUT watching this show the Dad was so upset when his two year old won first runner up. He was absolutely pissed. The little toddler was excited! Shouldn't he be teaching her that winning isn't everything, and just let her have fun?

[momof1pageantgirl]

My daughter (3) does local Natural pageants. (State and county fairs etc) She loves to get up on stage and be a ham, she also loves to play with her friends. Granted we don't use fake hair, teeth, make up etc just a cute outfit and her. In most cases she can win scholarships and it prepares her for public speaking. Even if its getting up on stage to tell everyone her name and age. So to each their own.

[Ashley]

Ok, I have to say this. My daughter did not do pageants until she was 4yrs old. She is now 7yrs old and she loves it!! We are now putting my 2yr old in it also. I must say to all those who make the comments that these are for older women and so forth, my daughter begs to be put in pageants. The same with cheerleading, or T-Ball. All of it has competition, but I see no one making gestures about these sports/hobbies. My daughter loves putting makeup on. It is just like playing dress up. Little girls can not play dress up? Pageants is just like playing dress up, but she gets to be on stage, and show her beauty in the spotlight!! She loves to model on stage, and this is a hobbie that she begs to do, and will continue to do. All these girls feel pretty, like a princess when they get dolled up, and I see nothing wrong with that. There are more positive then negative when it comes to pageantry. So before you JUDGE! about how bad this is, you need to know more about it, and I bet those that do talk about it like its horriable have never did it, so therefore how can u say its bad? Please do us a favor, and dont Judge at all! God Bless u all!

[Gabby's Mommy]

As a pageant mom, my daughter started doing non-glitz pageant at the age of 4. She was 1st runner up and I was very proud of her. I entered her into pageants because it could help her lift her self-esteem and it did. Before being in pageantry I would get notes from her teacher stating she was too shy and needed to learn to interact with the other children in Pre-K. Once I entered her in her first pageant it made lots of difference to see my daughter at 4 on stage giving her introduction was amazing how many of us can go up and speak in public, well she did. And she owned the stage. After that I would get notes from her teacher stating that what I did entering her in pageants help, she was more open with the other children and was more interactive in class. Now she is 7 years old and holds a title in South Texas and being a queen has come with lots of responsiblities, for one helping her community. If you use your title to help the less forunate you are doing good. Our local queens in Rio Grande Valley all have to do community work and help out when called upon, Our queens are not only looking pretty where ever they go, but they are helping out when others are in need. So pageant Dad, pageants are not only to win the prize money which is great and helps out but it helps our girls become better persons in the long run. Try entering your daughter in non glitz pageants she how she does there. There are plenty of pageants in your area because I am also from there...

[MarieK]

Most little girls love to play dress-up;fancy clothes, high heels, jewelry, make-up, all of that. The difference is they do it the in the privacy of their own home...playing "grown-up".

when you take those same girls, make them wear "flippers"(false teeth to hide gaps left by missing baby teeth),have them bump, grind, and strut on the runway, and put them in front an audience with some really creepy male judges, then you're priming them for a career as a stripper. Non-glitz pageants are one thing, glitz pageants are over the top.

There are other ways to encourage a child to be more outgoing and comfortable in front of people, but unfortunately, the stage parents involved won't get as much attention and therefore won't be as interested. After all, these kids are living trophies to them, a way to fill up their otherwise really sad lives.

[Wendy]

momofpastqueen- You make some really great points! My 15 year old son has been involved in sports for a long time and it is amazing to see what goes on with coaches and parents.

My daughter just turned 3. She has done a few natural prelims and she just loves them! I thought she would not get on the stage but we could not keep her off the stage!

The pageant program my daughter is involved with does not allow flippers, fake hair, or any make-up on the little ones. All of the girls are super sweet and the parents are as well.

The last pageant my daughter was in, I paid $50 for her formal dress(Ebay), $20 for the holiday dress(Ebay), $30 for pictures(JcPenny), $15 for shoes(Sears)....and yes she did win titles.

Linda- Try Ebay! They have a ton of dresses for sale!

[ex-pag mom]

My child did pageants for 7 years from age 1 until 8. She is now 16 and BEGGING to go back into pageants. She was a top competitor back then winning many titles with lots of bonds put away for her college-she has grown up into a very lovely, confident young lady who does high school cheer, all-star cheer, swim team, has done soccer, gets good grades, all in all a perfectly NORMAL teenager who absolutely misses and can't wait to get back into pageants. She will be returning this spring adn YES it was her favorite thing to do as a child and it's her choice to do it now. I will however say, I was never obsessed with them, they only ever show the parents that are way over the top. We made many many friends over the years and even being out of pageqnts for 8 years have still maintained many of those friendships even though none of the girls compete anymore. They have all gotten involved in many other activites but yet remain friends and have gone away to 4-H camps together, weekend sleepovers, etc. Pageants are just like everything else out there-they are what you make of them. I've seen the best and worst of moms at cheer competitions, high school sporting events, travel soccer,etc. It would be nice if the shows would show "real" people who do it for fun and hobby and are not over the top but then who would want to watch it without the drama. ANd besides I wouldn't have let a camera follow my child then or now.

[momofpastqueen]

It is so easy for people to point fingers that have never been in the pageant world and ask why do parents do it to their daughters. My daughter is now 6 and yes she did pageants from the time she was 8 months to 4 and I will have to say that in that time period of her life the pageant scene was for me not her,I loved seeing her on stage she looked beautiful and yes the win was wonderful it was like playing dress up with a doll, now I tried to justify it with everyone that it gives her confidence and makes her outgoing and yes it did. But when I finally got my feel of trying to get her through hair and make up with out crying which by the way was $250 for a big pageant(and that was not doing her real hair that was rolling and attatching the fall that I paid 150 for),if you can get it for 175 that was a steal. Oh did I forget to mention the 100 an hour modeling lessons,$25 spray tan no matter how big or little the pageant,$600 glitz pictures(that by the time they are retouched look nothing like her) the $1000 -2000 dress,$700 western wear, $300 swimwear and anything else she would need for special events nothing cost less than $100.Now I realize that some of you dont pay these prices but I would almost lay money down you are not winning the titles. You have to know the right designers, coaches,photoagraphers,etc.

As for the post of arent they supposed to be playing with barbies, yes they are and yes they do, it is nothing to go into the ball room and see a bunch of lil girls playing together with dolls,polly pockets,those lil crabs you can get in a pet store etc. As someone who competed in other things as a child (not pageants) I think it is a good thing to teach your child that you can be competitive when need be but when you are not competing against each other you can be best friends without a problem. Maybe this is something alot of adults can learn from. I learned from my experience to do just that, but unfortunatly most do not teach this, and that is where this gets a bad name. Now I have other children that are involved in sports and there are wild parents in that as well. I think what I am trying to say is now that I have sat out and I am on the outside looking in this is so trivial. Yes my daughter is just beginning to ask to do them again but I have to laugh and say no. So to those of you who have your daughters in pageants take a step back and look at what you are getting for what you are paying ($500 and up per pageant) Sounds as if the parent is making alot of pageant directors,designers and photographers alot of money in this day and age where not many people make $100 and hour and if I were guessing those of you who are paying it for pageants and the extras make
way less an hour. If you have that much money to spend put it into a college fund for them because by the time they get age to go you could have a big nest egg made. One pageant would almost pay a semester of classes alone( a BS only takes approx. 8 semesters). Now is it still worth it

[jen]

My daughter does pageant becuase she likes to dress up like a princess. I let her do pageants because I think it's important for her to learn good presence and speaking ability.

[ramona]

Love your family! Do you go to pageants in the northeast? My husband and I would love to attend and help you cheer on your two precious girls. Let us know if your in the Boston/Worcester MA area anytime soon. How can we email the other contestants? My husband loved Miss Alley. Fabulous show. We'll be watching every week from now on!

[Maria]

Ok, I am 15 and my parents put me in pagents from the time I was 2 until I was 14. I remember having to go to shows and missing birthday parties and sleepovers and all the little things that should be in a little girl's everyday life. To be quite honest the pagent life is not what everyone says it is. You all claim that your child loves it, are you sure they love it or are they just doing it to make mommy happy with them. It's far to much stress to put on a little girl especially since you are never guarenteed to win. It's fine if your daughter asks you but please don't push them in just because "you" love it, it's their life let them live it the way to want to. If they want to wear loads of make-up and have hair 3 feet tall, then go ahead, who doesn't want to be a princess for a little while? But please for their sake don't push them into it, because once they get older they miss out on a lot more than just parties and sleepovers, trust me.

[Sarah]

I was absolutely shocked watching this show last night. What are we teaching these children? In a society where there are enough pressures for girls growing up, they are now being put in situations where they are judged on their looks, their "beauty", how photogenic they are. These girls are being taught that to be the prettiest, they need to be fake, because their natural beauty won't get acknowledged without the fake hair, makeup, tans and fake nails. Girls need to be rewarded for their intelligence, creativity, musicality, ability to be a team member, or whatever...anything but how their "beauty" compares to others around them.
There are much healthier ways for parents to achieve the goals they put on their kids. And they say it's not about winning...just watch their reactions.

[Linda]

hi, does anyone have tips on ware i can get a full length pageant dress for my 11 year old?

post a comment if you can help

[Kelly]

All of the parents in that show, seriously need some mental help. Are you kidding me...really...Do you think your kids enjoy that?

[Carrie]

I don’t understand why you would put your toddler in an event that’s meant for adults. Shouldn’t your little girl be playing Barbie’s with there friends, playing at the park, camping with family, riding there bikes, this is unnatural for a 3 and 4 year old. What are you teaching you kids, that fake, phony, looks mean everything, not that fact that you are great just the way you are and that there natural beauty shines through. This is just so bizarre to me, I think parent feel a short fall of there own looks and that there using these kids to fulfill something that’s missing in side themselves. Because I don’t think a kid wakes up one morning and says I want to compete in a pageant. I think parent that put there kids through this have to give there head a shake, this is crazy!!!