Pageant Dad Viewer Mail

April 14, 2009

The Toddlers & Tiaras season finale is tonight at 10/9c, and for the last post of the season, I thought I would address the most frequent questions and comments I get on this blog and about the show.

How can there be pageants like this after the Jon Benet Ramsey tragedy?

It is very unfortunate what happened to Jon Benet, and the threat of individuals preying on children is very real. All we can do as parents is watch our children like hawks. Children are at risk for these horrible situations whether you are at a pageant or at your local grocery store. Because Jon Benet was a pageant child, all child pageants and talent competitions now carry that stigma, but in reality the threat is everywhere. As a parent, I do not let my guard down when it comes to my children’s well being. I do not however, plan to lock them up in their home and seclude them from the world. Just take precautions…and trust no one.

Aren’t pageants sexualizing kids/attracting pedophiles? 

I don’t believe anyone establishes a pageant so that it can purposefully attract predators. I do expect that precautions are taken in order to keep our children safe from these predators. Just as children are monitored by teachers at school when they are at the playgrounds, I would want to have the peace of mind that a pageant director takes the necessary steps to keep our kids safe.

This is child abuse. The parents should be locked up!

Getting a child involved with pageants is not child abuse. That’s ridiculous. If involving your child in activities is child abuse, that would mean putting an end to many activities -- we would then need to end cheer squads, karate, book clubs -- it would get ridiculous. There are child labor laws, yet every year we see thousands of girls selling cookies door to door. The more our children are engaged in the less trouble they are prone to get into. It’s called involvement...developing work ethic…becoming a productive member of society.  Keeping our children engaged in activities is positive.

Isn’t it cruel to put your child out there to be judged?

We are all judged whether you want to believe that or not. Employers look for hard workers, producers look for good shows, and modeling agencies look for attractive people. Competitiveness exists in everything. Pageants are contests, and there is a winner in every one of them. It doesn’t mean the winner wears the crown all the time. It’s the child that came out number 23 of 25 contestants because she did everything she could to do her very best…that’s a winner.

Pageants are more about the unfulfilled dreams of the parents and less about what the child wants.

Isn’t that the American Dream…for our children to be better and have more than we do? I have done everything I have ever wanted to do in my life -- anything beyond that I consider a gift. I want all my children to strive for more. Unfulfilled dreams? I guess I do have some unfulfilled dreams left: to see my children be productive members of society and to live long and happy lives. Who doesn’t have these dreams?

Don’t pageants emphasize beauty over substance?

Watching some of these contestants transform from everyday to glamorous…that takes smarts. Do not underestimate these pretty girls. I see our future doctors and engineers. Just look at current events. A beauty queen almost became Vice President of our country. 
I do hope that people out there get what this show offers. It’s not about lipstick and fake hair. It’s about parents spending quality time and shaping the lives of our children. As long as society continues to set standards, competitiveness will always be there, be it a little girl in a fancy dress or a little girl staying up doing her homework. They all strive to be better.

Photo courtesy of Rebecca Drobis.

The Right Attitude

March 30, 2009

Today I'm sharing some thoughts on having the right attitude to handle pageant competition. Here's how I deal with Ava when she competes.

Good Sportsmanship

I tell Ava that I am very proud of all her work. She should also be happy with her outcome as well. She always goes and hugs the other girls and claps for them. I’ve never had a problem with her being bitter or a sore loser. Even when she wins, she doesn’t look down at anyone. She is a pretty good sport.

Consolation

Thank God Ava has always at the least placed I the top five. I always tell her that it wasn’t her turn this time. Later, as she gets more in tune with the strategies of the system, I will let her know that she needs to clean up and/or try harder.

Dealing with Tantrums

Ava does throw her tantrums. We try to console her way before she gets on stage. If at the last minute she doesn’t soothe, then I will give her a snack. I don’t think it’s bribing them to participate in the pageant so much as to avoid them making a scene. I work at a school district, so I can handle tantrums. Noise really doesn’t bother me, so long as participation continues.

Handling Mishaps

I have seen hairpieces fall to the ground. I’ve seen dresses tear…props tilt over…crazy things can happen. It’s all cute in the end…they are just kids.

Photo courtesy of Rebecca Drobis.

The Talent Competition

March 19, 2009

Talent should be the foundation of pageants. If it isn’t, then it’s based on just looks and presentation. Talent is what sets the individual apart from others. I would rather see a child that can perform than a pretty statue. For this reason, I really allow my kids to explore different performing arts or sports so that they can discover their interests and strengths. Exploration is always good; but continuity and stability is more effective and productive in pageant competitions.

As far as choosing a talent for the pageant, the parent doesn’t decide the talent. The child discovers it on their own. I kept a watchful eye on Ava to see what she found interesting. She enjoys dancing and twirling, so I focused on those elements.

Ava loves to dance and twirl and sing. She has kept her twirling and dancing as her talent throughout the pageants. She is beginning to learn choreography and be consistent in learning it. She’s a work in progress. I am just allowing her to have fun discovering her talents. People enjoy watching Ava. She’s a ham. She is always looking for opportunities to put on a show.

I appreciate all talents I see in pageants. Sometimes the lip-synching to children’s songs can get monotonous. I want to see a child go out there put on a SHOW! I am very visual and try to relate that to my own child’s talent. I want the child to capture the audience.

(Photo courtesy of Getty Images)

Pageant Parent Starter Guide

March 06, 2009

Here are some questions I'm often asked about getting your child started in pageants.

How does one get their child started in beauty pageants?
I started by first by doing a lot of research on the many pageant systems. I would call the hosting hotels and ask their opinion as to the pageants being held. They were cooperative most of the time. I also would get on blogs and read comments being made. I’d call the pageant directors and ask for information. The ones who answered back personally with details usually felt good to me. The ones who emailed “bulk” info to me seemed too impersonal. Just use your better judgment.

How can you tell if your child is mature enough?
Maturity will come with experience. I started my daughter at 9 months, so of course she had no idea what was going on. But as she got older, she would see the pageant banners and tell us to take her. Now she asks about upcoming events.

How can you tell which pageants are worth the time and effort? Is there an official guide ranking the quality of different pageants?
There are sooo many out there: local/banner pageants, all natural pageants, high glitz pageants, semi-glitz pageants…it’s crazy. I want Ava to have experience in all types, but she likes all the high glitz stuff -- especially the dresses and costumes.
 
How many pageants can you enter in a given time period?
With our economy right now, I really prioritize the pageants and limit it to only state and nationals. However, you can be competing every weekend if you want. I just couldn’t afford to do all that, and also I would not want my daughter to burn out by over doing the contests. They are fun, but they are also work.

How much should I expect to spend in registration fees?
Some pageants are as little as $50, but the higher level pageants are in the hundreds. If you want to compete in specific areas, such as Most Beautiful, Best Talent, or Swimwear, those are extra costs. You sign up for what you can afford, I guess.

Some people see pageants as unnecessary spending, but if not on pageants, we will spend the money somewhere. If my children enjoy involvement in these activities, then I will support it. I do set boundaries of course, but that’s why I make everything myself for my children. I will find other areas to save so that the total cost is not extreme. That’s how we are in everything we do.

(Photo courtesy of Getty Images)

Appearing on The Tyra Banks Show

February 17, 2009

We just got home from filming The Tyra Banks Show. New York was AWESOME. The people with The Tyra Banks Show were great and made everything very comfortable for all my family.

Tyra kept the show very informative and educational. Her questions were very professional and she wasn’t bashing the pageant industry. She’s seen Toddlers & Tiaras and I believe that she doesn’t really like child pageants, but didn’t bash them or anything. She was interested in learning and listening to our side of the story. She may not agree or understand all aspects of child pageants, but at least she wasn’t judgmental.

Ava was sleeping backstage and was a bit freaked out when she had to walk out on stage in front of the crowd of people. However, she quickly came to and enjoyed the rest of the show. I even saw her giggle when Tyra showed a clip of me dancing – that clip makes even me laugh. Ava got to meet some of the girls that appeared on the other episodes of Toddlers & Tiaras. Story was such a sweet little girl and her and Ava played the whole time we were there. The other parents were great as well. The Tyra folks said the show will air in about two weeks or so.

There’s talk about other TV appearances, but no definite ones scheduled. I'm hoping for OPRAH…I bet that would be an incredible experience. She’s like the god of talk shows. Clips have been shown of me on different shows – usually poking fun – but it’s all good. To think that someone took the time to notice us….wow. It’s when no one talks about you that you should worry. Like I said, it’s all good.

My family worries (about the publicity) of course. I do too sometimes. The negative comments sometimes get out of control. But I always think, those shows are always making fun of everyone, whether it's Jessica’s weight gain, or adopting foreign kids, or even twirling a baton. Hey, I can laugh about it too. I do look hilarious doing airplanes for Ava.

As for Ava, she’s not participating in pageants until later this year. She is currently interested dance/cheer/gymnastics.

(Photo Courtesy of iStockphoto)

Parents and Pageant Systems

February 04, 2009

You will always find parents that seem extreme with their children, not just in pageants, but in anything they do. There are parents who are happy with seeing their child simply participate and there are others who demand success. With my children, I just want to make sure they are having fun.

In the recent episode of Toddlers and Tiaras, I heard a mother say that her child is in about two pageants a month.  First, I couldn’t afford that, and second, although Ava enjoys being in pageants, I think she would get weary very quickly.  Everything is costly.  Entry fees and hotel costs and wardrobe can get expensive.  I cut costs by making all her wardrobe and we also have sponsors for Ava, so our costs are not that extreme. Ava competes in at least 2 pageants per year -- a state and a national pageant.

All pageant systems have rules that govern them.  Ava competes with UNIVERSAL ROYALTY BEAUTY PAGEANTS (UR) under Annette Hill.  She is an incredible director with over 30 years of experience.  In her system, everyone showcases acceptable and appropriate costuming. No two- piece anything is allowed and no mid-section can be exposed -- Annette would not allow that. Ava’s system doesn’t allow make-up for the younger age groups.  Also, clothing must be in good taste for all age groups.  Although UR is a high glitz system (take the pageant quiz to see what that means), natural beauty is much appreciated.

(Photo Courtesy of iStockphoto)

Pageant Prep

January 29, 2009

Life for anyone involved in any type of activity is continuous hard work. Ava keeps exploring other ways to showcase her talent by practicing on her dancing, singing, and of course her twirling.  I am also working on things to prepare for upcoming events, such as designing gowns and costumes. 

Ava is always asking when the next pageant is coming.  She is eager to start.  Ava sees these as opportunities to get in costume and play with other girls her age.  She loves being the center of attention too.  Financially, we also have to begin saving money and thinking about sponsorships.  Ava has a great support system that assists with the costs of these pageants.  As a result, we also have to teach her appreciation for that support. After the pageant, we had Ava give out candy bags during the holidays to children from our community. We wanted to teach Ava to give back to her community just as they are so generous to help us out and also provide exposure to our wonderful pageant system.

We have been curious about other pageants such as the Natural systems.  We are planning on attending a natural pageant in our area and see what their expectations are from their contestants. Above all, Ava is just being a regular little girl waiting for another chance to go out there and be part of a pageant, or twirling, or singing, or cheerleading.  The list can go on and on for her. The most important preparations that we as a family are involved with at the moment is that soon after the pageant we learned that we are expecting another baby.  We are quickly becoming the pageant version of The Duggars, LOL.  

(Photo Courtesy of iStockphoto)

Why Do We Put Our Child in Pageants?

January 23, 2009

TLC asked me to blog about my experience being the father of a young pageant contestant. My 2-year-old daughter, Ava, competes on the pageant circuit. I hope this blog gives you a little insight into our world.

The first thing people ask is, why put such a young child in pageants? I have always enjoyed the pageant scene. I enjoy designing costumes for her and allowing her to just play dress up. If she wins crowns along the way,  good for her, but its not number one on our list.  My wife and I have just been very fortunate that she enjoys pageants and is talented. If she likes what she is doing then I will continue to engage her in that environment.  People say that she is too young to understand what she is involved in, but don’t underestimate a 2-year-old -- or at least not mine. Ava loves this scene as well.