You Won't Believe This Crazy Bridezilla's Letter To Her Bridesmaids
Sure, every woman wants to have her wedding go off without a hitch. And many brides have very exacting ideas about how they'd like their bridesmaids to look and behave. But most -- we're talking 99 percent of brides -- keep their obsessive, crazy, ideas to themselves.
Not this bride. Following, a letter from the unnamed bride (anonymous to protect the guilty) to her bridesmaids:
Welcome to my bridal party. I thought today would be a great day to start this chain, as it is officially six months until my wedding day.
I just wanted to go over some ground rules.
1. Weigh-ins will begin in 3 weeks. I for one would really like some time after Thanksgiving to make my body forget about what it consumed, so I thought I would give you guys some cushion room
2. No-one can be skinner than the bride. That means Kelly and Lizzie will be on a protein weight gainer diet exclusively until May. I will have the nutritionist call you to discuss diet plans.
3. Bed times leading up to the wedding will be strictly enforced. I absolutely cannot have you all have saggy, baggy eyes. I am sure you all understand.
4. Swimwear attire: I would like everyone to wear matching bikinis that have rhinestones on the tushie spelling out "maids," which brings me to my next point.
5. All bikinis leading up to the wedding must be strapless bandeaus. I cannot have terrible tan lines in strapless dresses.
6. Sunscreen: We need to make sure you ladies look lovely and radiant and not red and reptile like. Pack accordingly.
7. Speeches: We all know what happened at Taylor's wedding. So if you plan to make a toast, please submit it for approval and revision, no later than 4 weeks prior to the wedding.
8. Hair cuts: If you plan on chopping off your locks, please submit your proposed new look prior to any actions (this applies to coloring as well).
9. Attendance: is strongly requested at all events but I will make some exceptions on a case by case basis.
10. Ink: Consider this a moratorium on future tattoos until June 5th. Those of you with visible artwork will be privately contacted with (temporary) removal instructions.
Thank you for your time and consideration. Should everyone abide by these minor requests, I am sure we will all have a memorable weekend.
Just kidding bitches, well, sorta. love you all,
And here's the worst part:
When one of her bridesmaids got a haircut -- yes, a haircut -- the bride sent out the following note:
It has been brought to my attention (picture proof) that one of my Maids is in violation of Rule 8 of the Bridal Party Contract. Rule 8 clearly stipulates that "If you plan on chopping off your locks, please submit your proposed new look prior to any actions (this applies to coloring as well)."
While I am sure this was a minor oversight by my bad little bee, I would like to remind everyone of the ramifications of violating any of the aforementioned rules. Failure to adhere to my commandments, can result in Bridalparty banishment!
I would appreciate a call from the hair-color-changing culprit immediately, with a proposed remedy by the end of the day.
The Queen Bee
And it just goes downhill from there. One bridesmaid was told she was not allowed to cut her hair! The bride requested that all her bridesmaids go on a slimming diet before her big day -- and required weekly weigh ins. "I was thinking that we should start a daily google docs, where everyone can update in real time their daily calorie content," wrote the offending bride in an email to her bridesmaids. "Due to exams, I have not been the very best at requesting our weekly weigh-ins but thought the food calculator would be a great way for me to monitor everyone's caloric in take."
So in addition to monitoring what these women did with their hair, she also monitored how much they ate and weighed? How does this woman have friends?
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