Would You Want Your Ex To Officiate Your Wedding?

03/13/2013

 

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 A woman writes to Slate's advice columnist Dear Prudence:

 

 I plan to be married soon. My fiancé and I don't want a big to-do but would like to mark the occasion with a small ceremony and invite immediate family and a few close friends. This is a second marriage for both of us. My ex-husband and I remained civil to one another for the sake of our children. Once the hurt of our failed marriage had healed, we developed a friendship based on mutual interests and shared history. My fiancé and my ex get along well, and we occasionally socialize with him and his significant other. My ex is a judge and as such is able to perform weddings. My fiancé and I talked it over and would like to ask him to marry us. We haven't asked him yet and aren't sure he will agree, but we want to extend the invitation. Problem is when I mentioned our plan to my sisters, they had a fit. They said it would be tacky and would make other family members uncomfortable to have my ex marry us. I know it's an unusual situation, but it is also something we'd really like to do. Are our plans just too "out there"?

Um, what the what now? You want your ex-husband to marry you and your new husband and are wondering if that's just too "out there." In a word, YES.

As Prudie explains in a much more elegant way, "You do not want the moment that you two are being joined to be accompanied by mass eye-rolling and elbows to the ribs by those in attendance."

But doesn't it seem a little crazy to even be asking? I'm wondering if this woman's soon-to-be new husband is actually okay with this, or if he's just going along with it to make her happy. In which case, that's a fine way to start a steady stream of resentment rolling through your relationship.

I get that many people are friends with their exes, but you know, invite them to the wedding, don't ask them to officiate. But maybe I'm wrong and this is totally normal?

 Share your thoughts in the comments!

Comments

[A'shia]

I don't see it as an issue. If the bride and groom and ex are all ok with it, then the rest of the guests should get over it. And if the groom is just saying ok to make the bride happy then they need to work on honestly with their relationship before they get married.