Janelle Brown: It’s All About Me
At heart I am a pleaser. As such, I feel a natural desire to make sure everyone around me is taken care of and all is well in their world. It is such a fundamental part of my nature that I was letting this seep into my weight loss journey.
I spoke last week about “The Drift”. In analyzing what factors sidetracked me it became apparent I was starting to get very anxious about my upcoming deadline day. I was so worried that when our show came back on air that somehow I would not measure up and my entire journey would be negated.
We have been so conditioned by shows on television to expect extreme weight loss in a short period of time. And in a way I felt like since I had lost 6 sizes instead of going down 80, 90 or 100 pounds, I had failed. But in the end, I am a real woman, with real work demands, including eating meals out and traveling and then going home to make real dinner for real children. I felt like a failure because somehow I wasn’t able to just isolate myself and provide dramatic results.
As my time grew close, I’ll admit I started to get a little frantic. Think about yourself getting ready for that upcoming high school reunion or wedding day. When time is getting short you start contemplating all kinds of depravation tactics to get the weight off quick. Whatever it was, I could endure it, I reasoned. But in the end it backfired for me. I took two steps forward and then one step back, to use the old saying. I started to lose the feelings of empowerment and strength that I had when my journey was on my own terms. This just further aggravated the cycle I was in.
In the end, I finally had such a profound revelation about what I needed to do to get back on track. I rebelled against the self-imposed pressure I was feeling. I craved just getting back into my own head. I asked myself, “What did I want?” I realized I wanted to go back to the slow and steady pace I started with; focusing instead on changing my lifestyle, this time for good. For a week or so, I went back to the basics and began tracking my food again, even though I loathe food diaries. It brought me back to awareness. I checked out of all the “I should be…” internal discussions I was having. I took a deep breath and no longer allowed myself to panic and bolt. I began to listen to myself and my mentor AGAIN, but mostly myself. And above all I had to once again remember to celebrate the real progress in changing my life.Get updates from Janelle on Twitter @JanelleBrown117 and @TLC!