Janelle Brown: Embracing Change

02/21/2013

Janelle Brown of Sister Wives is Kody's second wife. Follow along on her journey forward to weight loss and a healthier lifestyle.

I weighed in a couple of days ago. And while I should be ecstatic, instead I seem to be having some sort of emotional hiccup. You see, I am now officially at my lowest weight in almost two decades. My children do not remember me being any smaller than I am right now. But despite that, I am feeling something that seems like anxiety. It isn’t really of course, but suddenly it feels like the rules for my life have changed. I had come to terms with life at my previous size and I am no longer at that place. I feel a whole new world beginning to open up.

Oddly enough I started the next step of my journey with a body image crisis. Nothing in my closet fits well anymore and the new clothes I try on look terrible. All of a sudden, the parts of my body that gave me a sense of satisfaction because they had changed so much were ugly and in need of so much improvement. It seemed so opposite of how I should be feeling. After some contemplation, I realized that I was actually considering my physical appearance in my assessment before I walked out the door. For many years I have just given my physical appearance a quick glance: clothes clean – check, clothes match – check, nothing too tight – check. Just the basics. But I realized I am now actually seeing my physical self. It is a hard thing because I am still so far from my end goal. I’m still not sure if this new awareness is a blessing or a curse. Most days I am back in a positive place because I am aware of how hard I am working to continue to change thing, but some days it is still a hell of a thing.

Besides the body image crisis, I’ve been experiencing an inability to continue to visualize myself as a thinner person. This current size is as far the memory databanks easily recall. I don’t know how I’ll look or feel as I get smaller than I am now. I’m sure it will be great. But when I look forward I don’t see anything. There is no visualization. I no longer know exactly where this transformation is going. My fitness mentor tells me that I should be excited; this is part of the adventure, the part where it really gets interesting. But it is unnerving for me, the woman who likes to make multiple contingency plans.

I do know that I no longer define my life by what I physically cannot do and my future has begun to hold richer possibilities than I ever imagined. This is gigantic for me. I now consider doing whatever physical activity I want to do, trusting that I can accomplish it. If I wanted to train for a 5K or even develop the strength to rock climb I could. I am the same person – just with a different confidence level.

Get updates from Janelle on Twitter @JanelleBrown117 and @TLC!

Related Links

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Comments

[PatsyC]

You are a great encouragement. I am 69 and have been stuck on the same wt. for 6 weeks. Longest plateau I have ever been on. The older you get the harder it is. I know I have on occasion ate more than my 1200 cal. diet (usually 2xweek). I am not gaining but just maintaining. Must start being more regimented with diet and exercise. I appreciate your struggle and I am so happy for you. Keep up the good work. The rewards are great!

[Ginny]

Hey girl! Keep up the great work! There is a girl you should check out. Her name is Julia Kozerski. She lost 160lbs in a year and took pictures of herself through the process and shared her feelings.

[vickie]

You inspire me,I have such a long way to go in my weight loss. Keep up the good work. I will try right along with you

[Christine]

Janelle- Thank you so much for sharing what your going through while on this journey. I can relate on so many levels. Thank you for the motivation, and for inspiring me to keep going with my weight loss. Keep up the great work!

[Caryn]

Janelle, you are so inspiring. I love how open and honest you are! I have been following your journey (well, as much as I can) and it really encourages me to work hard for the results I want. There are a lot of people rooting for you!

[Alyssa]

I really respect you on so many levels. I might not necessarily agree with polygamy, but I'm definitely not opposed to it--and I don't understand why the government and marriage are interrelated at all. Marriage to me is a spiritual, religious, emotional bond... not a statutory bond. Either way, your family and in particular, your strong, intelligent personality are fantastic messages to send the world. If nothing else, to remind them that we're all people and we should all be tolerant and respectful of others. Thank you!

[Lydia]

Hi Janelle!

I have watched every episode of your show, and I just adore your amazing family. You are truly blessed.
You seem like such a wise and smart woman, and i really respect you. You have done such a great job with your weight loss. You are a true inspiration.
Have a great weekend :)

Love from Norway!

[Peggy]

I've been having the same struggle after losing 35 pounds in the past eight months. I haven't been this thin since I got pregnant with my first child some 28 years ago. And I feel strange -- not like myself. It's supposed to be all positive and exciting, but some of losing weight is getting used to change and getting to know an unfamiliar new body. I am a long way from thin, still, so I need to re-direct this dissatisfaction. Good luck.

[KimH]

I have been both very thin and quite plump in my adult life...and now in my early 50s I find myself at an odd emotional place with my body as well. I never had this before. I'll start losing weight & when I get to a certain place, its like I freak out & undermine my efforts. I dont know why I do this.. I remember one time quite a few years ago, I wasnt as big as I am now but I still needed to lose some weight.. I'd lost about 20 or 30 pounds and one of the guys I work with commented on it & congratulated me on my weight-loss. I hated that he said anything to me about it & I sabotaged myself immediately afterwards, gaining most of my lost weight back.. I seem to be afraid of people "seeing" me. I wonder, does my mind (ego?)really think Im not visible if Im more overweight? What drives that? I dont know..
What I do know though is that I have this propensity to do this so this time Im just going to keep moving thru it.. I'll be able to recognize it for what it is and move on..
Wishing you the best..

[tina gootee]

Hi, it's Tina...i love u girls..i love your family...can't wait each season until my sister wives comes on...i relate to you..you are an inspiration...i again would like to invite you and the girls to my on line weight loss support group..we are making amazing friend ships everyday!!! So much support and motivation..we are all losing in different ways... i have personally lost 50 pounds on my journey... please join... anyone is welcome http://www.facebook.com/groups/tinasweoghtlosssupport look me up on facebook. Tina newsome gootee bless you!!!

[tina gootee]

Mistyped it http://www.facebook.com/groups/tinasweightlosssupport

[Scott Christian Bauer]

I just want to thank you and your entire family for doing SISTER WIVES. The multitude of sacrifices you've made to do the show are worth it for us loyal viewers, and I hope rewarding enough for the family that many, many episodes will come our way in the future. Weird question: I live in Salt Lake and would like to have Kody and all the wives for dinner someday. The next time you're planning on coming up here, please remember this and consider allowing me the honor. I make a killer pork roast. Best wishes to you all.

[Christy]

I enjoy reading your blog post. You are very inspiring in more ways than you know. You can do it! You are doing it! Thank you for sharing.

[Eva]

I try not to think of it being an image thing but. Look how healthy I am and I feel the best I have in years. I am ready to celebrate the new me. Images most of the time today are fake. So, enjoy the feeling of I am so healthy today I could just jump for joy and dance a jig..Love You all.

[Patricia]

Keep up the good work. I know I battle with those extra pounds. Its hard to stay focused. One day at a time.

[Tina]

I myself lost a lot of weight really quickly and went from 200 to 117. I hated it, everyone kept telling me how great I looked. (yeah, with clothes on) they didn't understand that beneath, my skin sagged and I was all jiggly. I never was jiggly when I was heavy. My outside and inside did not match. I never wanted to be THAT thin!!! I had gotten sick and had surgery so it wasn't something that I tried doing. I think that the best thing is to think of your health!!! Eventually your mind and body will meet at a happy or content place. Keep working on your journey. Don't let anyone tell you how you should feel. YOU are the only one that knows that.

[Heidi Kvistholt]

You are doing something god for your helth , you Can live longer and be a more active mom ! But just rember that skinny People are not better or more lovable than Big People !!! And you are lovable just as beeing YOU !!! Kody is lucky to have you ❤❤❤❤ love from Denmark 😀😀😀

[Cheryl]

Janelle, I have been many weights over the years. As Oprah says the weight is not the issue it is the result. What you are writing makes so much sense to me. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. I know when I loose weight I really do feel my healthiest went I an 20 lbs within my goal. Keep up your strength and goals. With many great wishes to you and your family! Can't wait for a new season to begin!

[Suz Webster]

CONGRATS Janelle. You can do it!You are Doing it! I recently joined Weight Watchers and started to exercise again. It seems as we get older, our/my body is holding the weight a bit more. I am releasing the weight slowly and feel better. I finally got it wasn't about the weight, but the inside, working on that and now I am seeing a shift. you go girl!

[Michelle]

Congrats Janelle on all your hard work you are doing great!!!! Keep your head up!!

[Becky Vasey]

You will get there with Gods help. I think what you are doing is great.

[net]

You just described what I have been feeling. But I self sabotaged today. Oatmeal scotties. Thank you for sharing, I will pick my self up and get back in the game.

[Joy West]

Hi Janelle
I understand what you are saying, I am also working on losing weight and fine that even when when I have made progress I feel that things are not right. I am thankful for your blog because now I know it is not just me. I also studying my bible and remember this is for my health, in turn for my family, for the healthier I am the longer I will be here for them. I love you and your family and miss see you. Your friend in GA, Joy

[Sally]

Janelle, I'm really proud of you! You're doing great and you'll figure all the "what if's" out as you go. I've been fighting with my weight since I had my first child. The only person I know who's weight varies more than mine is Oprah!(LOL) I turn 57 tomorrow and really need to get back into shape...again! Good luck on your journey! <3

[linda]

You ROCK! Beautiful inside and out. When you are only going to get MORE beautiful! Keep up the good work and turn to God for the confidence you need.