Janelle Brown: Changing the "Fat" Identity

02/14/2013

Janelle Brown of Sister Wives is Kody's second wife. Follow along on her journey forward to weight loss and a healthier lifestyle.

Fat, thin, smart, spunky, middle age, middle of the road, unique, weak, powerful -- what words do you use to identify yourself? The words we choose, spoken or unspoken, permeate all aspects of our lives, creating boundaries that shape our day-to-day experience. Boundaries that dictate our deepest self-talk, what we think we can or can’t do, and even how we act.

For years I have used the word “fat” to define myself. Let me repeat; I – Janelle -- have used the word “fat.” This is different than someone else calling me fat. Why is that important? Because this self-appointed identity has influenced not just the obvious things such as the clothing I wear and the place I stand in group pictures (I make a beeline to the back!); it has shaped how I have viewed every diet I have ever followed in my life. Every denied piece of pizza was gazed at with mourning; every workout viewed as an evil necessity. And, on some deeper level, it was an act that wasn’t me.

This week I caught a glimpse of a different identity. While it is true that my quality of life and body composition have changed dramatically, bringing exciting differences with the changes, I had reached a point where I needed to see the scale move. This sense of desperation pushed me to make even harder choices, further cleaning up my diet and considering my workouts in the framework of building a machine that was more efficient and effective. It wasn’t just calories, it was chemistry. It wasn’t just cardio and weights, it was fine tuning performance. Hallelujah – the scale moved!

But the most surprising difference was my attitude. I was very scientific about it. I simply saw my changes as a formula for results, devoid of the emotional trappings I had previously attached to this process. During this brief period of time, I did not define myself as a fat person on a diet. Mentally, I perceived myself as an athlete. Just as my athletic sons never agonize over eating in a certain way in order to improve their performance on the mat or on the field, I didn’t agonize over changes I made in food selection. It was about desired performance, not past hurts or a perception that food would help or exercise would correct whatever wrong I had done.

To be completely honest, most days this new identity proves elusive. After all, I have years of experience with that other mindset. We’ve been frenemies for a long time. But a door has been opened; a different reality has been tried on for size. I like the new identity. I think I will go back and try it on again.

Get updates from Janelle on Twitter @JanelleBrown117 and @TLC!

Related Links

• 8 Ways to Beat Stress
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Comments

[Rayless]

I'm a lot like you were. I still define myself as a fat person on a diet (although I'm not very good at dieting). We're all works in progress, I guess.

Thank you for your inspiring blog posts.

[Brandy]

I so know what you mean about so much of the game being about mindset and how difficult it is to change long entrenched thought patterns. I've seen it work with other issues in my life and am working on it with weight loss with payoff. For example, when I finally got it through my thick skull that I was done with credit card debt, I quit doing things that led to it and started making choices that avoided it. Good luck and stay determined.

[Melanie]

I read a study where, when faced with a food that they shouldn't be eating, 80% of women who used the phrase "I don't eat that" were able to stick to their choice, while only something like 30% who used the phrase "I can't eat that" stuck to it. The rationale being that "I can't" has connotations of the forbidden, or moral consequences, of right and wrong, and of emotional connotations - whereas "I don't" is just a simple statement of fact.

[Jane Write]

It's a joke if you think about how over the years, media has tried to revamp the "fat" identity with pseudonyms PHAT, BBW, big-boned, chunky, pleasantly plump (see Hairspray), and other crazy ways to say what everyone including ourselves is thinking... fat. Fat is fat no matter how you phrase it. Keep going, Janelle... Positive mental voice will soon become the norm.

[Trish Quinn]

Janelle, you are absolutely beautiful both inside and out. I can definitely see results in how you look, but don't worry, you were beautiful before any of the dieting business. My mom and I were always like, "Oh, Janelle is so beautiful," whenever we watched Sister Wives. And most importantly, God thinks you're beautiful. He doesn't make junk. You have beautiful children and a beautiful family. (I'm not going to lie, I'm not a Kody fan), but I really am proud of you and how you handle yourself. Keep up the good work.

[LauraK]

I can relate, Janelle! I'm 45 and have been overweight all of my adult life. Just last week at my weekly weigh-in at Weight Watcher's, I made it to 75 lbs lost. When I joined just over a year ago, I did it defiantly, looking at it as just another diet to try and most likely another failure. WRONG! I love the program- it's not a diet but a new way of eating that's healthier. Nothing is off-limits, I choose what I want to use my points on and depending upon my choice, I may or may not see that scale move. But like you, when I started looking less critically at myself and more scientifically- changes happened. I see the difference in pictures but still have to work on how I see myself. In my head I'm still fat, even though the size of my clothes has moved to single digits. It'll come with time because I'll never go back- I feel too good!! You're doing great and I know you're going to get where you want to be, too! Thanks for sharing. :)

[Sandra]

This should be about your health and not how you look in your clothes. I have been 'fat' all my life. This past summer my doctor sent me for tests and I was told I was pre-diabetic. Knowing what I saw my dad go through (loosing both legs and then his life) I knew change had to come IMMEDIATLEY. I joined Weight Watchers for the 5th time but this time it's a whole new fight. You may want to try it. You can eat whatever you want....just be accountable for every bite.

[Christy Allred]

I completely identify with just about everything you post! I'd love to know what you are stocking in your pantry and fridge lately! What do you do to help curb the cravings and what do you when you are out and about?

[Emma M]

Great blog! It is great to hear other people do the same things that I do! I will remember this when I start my new lifestyle change this week! Keep on doing great!

[Aubrie Virgin]

Life is all a matter of perception. That has really impressed on me lately... Thank you for your words of wisdom and encouragement, Janelle. I love your family! Watched all your shows since the beginning! Not to be stockerish or anything but my Dad ran into Kody at a UNLV game a couple weeks back! :)

[Leslie]

I've lost 200 lbs, it took a while, still today I see that 360 pound woman in the mirror looking back at me. It amazes me I can still see her. Half the battle to loose weight is mental

[Debbie Bomar]

I really enjoy your blog! You are such an inspiration! I liked the part about chemistry and a scientific approach to get the results you want.

[lori arthur erickson]

I read the blog about you calling yourself fat. As women we are all capable of doing this, we are fat, we are ugly, we are dumb, the list goes on... I am taking part in a bible study, it is my time once a week to appreciate and love myself if I haven't done so the rest of the week. It also is my time once a week to work on my own personal and spiritual growth as well. This last week we discuss something I think is rather appropriate for the "I'm this or I'm that" we have with ourselves, it is NEGATIVE CHATTER, and we all allow it into our heads, and our hearts, as well as our ears, we tell ourselves something negative, and we repeat it over and over again until we believe it. I am challenging myself this week that when I am feeling this way, I need to stop and think about what is making me feel the need to speak and allow internal negative chatter, because frankly, if we let that go on long enough it can trigger us to become unglued. You are an amazing woman Janelle! I am happy you are losing the weight and I am glad you are getting the positive chatter going in your mind and heart!

[Gina]

Hi there Janelle..when I started my journey..I called it my "lifestyle" change..mine was due to having bad kidneys and knowing that if I need that kidney down the road..it is more then likely going to make me diabetic..that scares me more then getting the transplant, and also wanting to be healthier so I could give them a better chance of not working so hard..it is something I will always have to watch is my weight..but I feel better then I ever did in my 20's and 30's..seriously I have more energy now and I turn 50 this year then I ever did..I don't ache any more with the daily aches and pains..I can work in the yard for 8+ hours and not even feel it the next day..I never called myself fat..because it was such a harsh word..mine was heavy..just sounded nicer and yeah as long as I joked about it..it was fine..I wish you well on this lifestyle journey..it is so worth it in the end..the energy you will have..the confidence you will have will be uh-mazing..and folks around you will see it cause you just exude that happy vibe..and its so contagious too.;) keep up the good work and take it one day at a time and enjoy the journey and each day too.;)

[marythecanuck]

wow, Janelle. This was a powerful blog. Thank you for sharing.

[Judy]

AWESOME... Praying for you and your continued success.

[Rhonda and Sandrine]

Yes! What goes into your body is so important to how you feel and how your body works. Your body feels good when you eat healthy food!

[Judy Harris]

Janelle - Continued success on your path to a smaller (but certainly NOT better since you are already terrific) and healthier you. We are all pulling for you. You are certainly in good company when you say you have always defined yourself in narrow terms. We are all guilty of that. People do have a tendency to judge themselves much more harshly than others would. You simply don't see yourself as we do. While it's always a wonderful thing when one starts a regiment that will bring him/her to a healthier lifestyle, we always have to remember who made us in the first place, and He never makes mistakes.

As long as you have positive people around you (as it seems you do) you will have a better chance of success. If your inner dialogue is negative, then your outcome is going to be compromised. You deserve the best, but if you don't believe that, your journey is going to be harder.

Please know you are in excellent company. I too am struggling to appreciate myself more. I have finally realized that if I don't do this for myself, than I should at least do it for the mother of my children, who want me around for a very long time. I think it's mostly because they love my fried chicken, but I'll take whatever reasoning they care to share.

From what I've read, you have a great deal of people rooting for you. I am also in that camp. Please know you are loved, appreciated, and yes, beautiful. That you can take to the bank. All the best, Judy Harris

[Monika Winn]

You are absolutely beautiful, Janelle. My sister and I have been doing the Virgin diet and it's been wonderful. You just have to cut out peanuts, soy, dairy, corn, sugars and sweeteners, eggs and gluten for 21 days and ounces come off every day. It's supposed to help with inflammation of your gut. It's working for us.

[Carol Ohnemus]

Love You Janelle!!! I have always struggled with my weight, but, since October have lost 13 lbs -just by making small changes and I too look at it as being an athlete. Every day at work I walk on my breaks and at lunchtime -and try to make better food choices. I really appreciate you sharing your powerful words and insight on this subject!!!

[Rebecca]

Every time I read your posts, I am inspired and feel you are so easy for me to identify with. I bet a ton of people feel that way. You should really be a motivational speaker- you don't even need to do anything special, just be yourself and your honesty shines through.
I need to approach eating this way. I have naturally started to do it while I'm working out- on a machine, I just reason with myself to keep moving and think of it very logically, and I can keep going longer every time. But food is still emotional for me, so I need to apply this approach! Thank you!

[Michelle Wedlake]

Bless your food with all the good things God created it to be. Bless the hands that harvest it and the hands that prepared it. Eat unprocessed foods as much as possible. I don't htink you can ever eat too many vegetables and eat fruit when you crave sweets.

[Faye Johnson]

You truly are a beautiful person. I miss seeing your show I hope it's on again soon. Keep up the good work I know from experience how hard it is. I even got a lap band, lost 58 pounds and then it stopped. I now look at dieting again which I didn't want to do. You're doing it the correct way with lots of exercise which I have trouble with due to arthritis (my excuse). Good Luck!

[Megan Wilder]

Is there going to be another season of Sister Wives?!

[Viktväktarinnan]

Hi Janelle!
My name is Kristina and I am mother of two lovely children and wife of one amazing husband. I am going through the same changes as you are. Changing not only my diet and starting to exercise, but most of all battling with my inner thoughts. I've been a member of the Weight Watchers Sweden for 3,5 months now and has lost about 25 punds... and there are plenty more than that to loose.
Maybe I could make all of these changes on my own too, but I feel safe with the ww-method and I learn to change my dietary habits without excluding all chocolate or sweets ;-) I just have to eat within the frames of my daily amount of ProPoints.

However, the biggest issue is not the food, it's the thinking and the habits. I'm fighting with my thoughts every day and therefor I'm writing a blog (in swedish of course) to empower myself and to get the thoughts out of my head.

Whishing you all the best on your exciting journey to a healthy life. I hope you continue to blog, so I can follow you on the way.

Love
Kristina