Janelle Brown: What Tense Are You?

01/02/2013

Janelle Brown of Sister Wives is Kody's second wife. Follow along on her journey forward to weight loss and a healthier lifestyle.

I have come to a realization, I am very much a person who thinks in future tense. I am constantly focused on what is coming next. I am always planning the next step, examining possibilities, putting together contingencies and exit plans from my current location in space and time. Other people I know are past tense people – they are stuck living in a world framed by past victories and past hurts. But a few people in my acquaintance are the lucky ones; people who think, and live, in the present.

Very few adults are naturally that way. These lucky ones have re-trained themselves to live this way. I am convinced that we are born living in present tense. Infants and young children live in the here and now. Hurts and disappointments are let go quickly, joys are fully experienced and the magic of the moment is expected. As we age we quickly learn or are taught to be planners, to think in a future tense. While these skills serve a purpose, we risk missing our own lives, and our own potential, if we are not careful.

I had the idea of these “tenses” introduced to me a few years ago but it didn’t really become real to me until a few weeks ago as I stood in my garage, of all of the strange places for a life altering event. I was caught up in the normal rat race of making sure we had the “perfect” holiday. I reviewed the packages to make sure presents for children were equalized and wrapped. Simultaneously, I was mentally reviewing what still needed to be done for our traditional meals. It dawned on me that I wasn’t really having a good time. I stood still, took a deep breath, and really lived in the moment of the holiday happening around me. I felt the butterflies of excitement in my stomach and the joy bubbling up. It takes a lot for a logical person like me to write those words but it is the only way to express what I felt.

I have been recently contemplating making meditation a regular part of my daily routine. I have dabbled with the practice on and off for several years. I am a prayerful person, but mediation is something different. I finally understand that, for me, meditation is about taking time to get my focus into the here and now, to be open and aware of what is happening around me.  So my only real resolution for 2013 is to live in the present tense more often. To be aware of time with my children as they grow up so fast around me. To be aware of what I am eating and how I am treating my body. To let go of past hurts, failures or temporary definitions of what I could and could not do and to be open to the inspiration that may come with being aware. I resolve to spend more time in the present tense. I think it could be revolutionary. 

Get updates from Janelle on Twitter @JanelleBrown117 and @TLC!

Related Links

• 5 Ego-Boosting Exercises
• How to Find Your Healthy Weight
• Control Cravings with Breakfast
• Weight Loss Quiz

Comments

[Jessica @ Prayers and Apples]

..living in the present is *so* hard.. as much as i'm obsessed with my planner and organizing, i think my main problem is living in the past (esp the hurtful times - why do they come to mind so much faster than the good ones?!).. good for you for stopping to enjoy the here and now ♥ ..i think "present living" is really important when it comes to leading a healthy lifestyle too - if you're constantly beating yourself up for mistakes you made in the past or dreading workouts/challenges in the future, you hinder your chances to make good, happy, healthy decisions right now! :)

[Nicole]

Great post! It made me think.

I think that it's important to be all three. Remember the past...that you don't make the same mistakes. Plan for the future...that you never stop dreaming. Live in today...that you enjoy the moment. Like most things in life, I think we need to learn to find balance.

[Julie Downey]

What a great blog. As a working mom I also struggle with being in the moment, so wrapped up in preparing for the future. Thanks for the reminder.

[connie krozel]

I live in the present tense and It's not all its cracked up to be. Unfortunately, I have taught my son to live the same way. I always jump in with both feet but have no backup plans for...what if it doeant work? That's not such a good thing.

Granted, I love not worrying about, what if this doesnt work or what if I can't so this. But with that comes a price.

We can't really change how we think. We can try to put it aside and see things from a different point of view. But in the end, we can only look at things through our eyes because they're the only eyes we have.

[Jennifer]

I think meditation is great!! I am just having a hard time learning how to do it. It is difficult to keep those unwanted thoughts out. I guess it takes time. How are you doing with it?

[Mary]

past tense,definitely. past love, past hurt.

[Pam]

Janelle, I love the show and have always sympathized with Meri but lately it seems like she is being reasonable about the house. I probably won't watch the next season due to her attitude!

[Marvic Vinluan]

I am a die hard Christian and I believe in monogamous life. But watching the Show Sister Wives, my opinion has changed. I will not live a polygamous life but I certainly admire Kody on how much he has been such a good dad to all his children and wives. I see that sometimes it is very hard on him but he has the most sincerity and I think that the authorities should just leave them alone. Kody, I will pray for your strength and your wives and your children. Bless you!

[Marvic Vinluan]

BY the way, I admire the wives as well. I know it is not easy sometimes, but I think that these women are the most balanced, most emotionally stable persons therefore they also raised good kids, reasonable teenagers and happy family. The show is real, it shows emotions, happy & sad moments, difficult and realistic times. I learned lessons from this show. Congratulations! Lots of Canadians like this show.

[Kathleen]

Wow, very thought-provoking blog entry! I have never really thought about this. I definitely live in the future and in the past, hardly ever in the present. Not good! Will need to really make some changes. Great - now I have another resolution to try - thanks a lot Janelle!! LOL Just kidding of course!

[Alyssa Juli]

At age 34, 13 years ago, I battled breast cancer. I can say that it was a gift as it allowed me to really live each day as if it were my last. At the time my 3 children were very small and although I was very scared, that paled in comparison to the thought that my children may not grow up with a mom. We should really and truly live each day and not sweat the small stuff. Know what's important, forget about the dishes and mundane tasks sometimes and play with our kids, talk to them listen, make memories. I always taught my kids that nothing is too big a problem, we can talk about it and find a solution. They know I'll always be there for them to talk to. As long as nobody is dying, everything is going to be ok. Cancer has been a gift, it allows me to live in the present.

[Renee]

I just love this show! I wish talc would help you all get the houses the way they helped finish off the duggar's house many years ago. I want to see you all living closer again.

[michelle]

Someone I know said that they give 100% of their attention to what they are doing. So, if they are with family, the blackberry is on silent, and if they are at work, they are present there. That is my resolution for this year. I loved this blog, because it was already something I wanted to do this year! Thanks Janelle!

[Thelma]

You are my favorite Sister Wife.Ilove your sense of Family.You are so very smart and such a beautiful lady!I Pray Gods Blessings upon you,Janelle. Always,Thel

[Pam]

Janelle,
To whom much is given much is expected! You have become a public example (no pressure)...we are watching you...we want to see you succeed in better health-weight wise, employment, and finding your VOICE in your family w/ your husband and sisters. Gone are the days that you sit and let things go...you have so much to offer. I am sure your husband appreciates your loyal support and easy to be entreated personality. You are my favorite sister wife. It is interesting how all your ruling personalities are surfacing!!! You patient. Meri selfish. Christine complainer. Please post more about your sister relationships!

[Marvic Vinluan]

Jennifer,
mind over matters.
That's how I cope the battles in my unwanted thoughts.
take care

[Tanya]

Hello Janelle, I hope this new year is allowing for great things in your life, and in your family as a whole. My comment is less of a comment on your blog post, but more of a question about when the next season will start airing on television. From best I can tell, the last episode of Season 3 aired in late December. I am intrigued, and perhaps slightly addicted to following your family's journey, therefore I would like to mark the calendar for the new season. Thank you for taking the time to read my comment, and hopefully respond to my question. Take care, my thoughts are with you. Much Love from Montreal, Canada. <3

[KimH]

I think Im mostly a right here & now kinda tense girl.. ;) I dont live in the past much at all but I have been known to look into the future more.
I think planning ahead is great and necessary but I think there can be an off balance associated with it too. Have you read Eckhart Tolle's book The Power of Now? Great book. Oprah did a series with him several years ago that brought it national acclaim it richly deserved. Great book & tool if you havent. Loving the Sister Wife shows & Im excited for the changes youre working in your life! Blessings!

[Jen]

I enjoy reading your blog entries and I can really relate to a number of the issues you talk about, especially your struggle with weight loss. You have inspired me to start my own exercise program. I wish you continued success and look forward to reading more on your blog. Thank you.

[delois]

hi, i just want to say that u are my favorite on the show. i almost feel that u are the glue that holds the family together, please keep up the good job , and god bless

[Debbie smouse]

Janelle, I have the same philosophy as you. I have often been criticized for thinking in future tense. I always look at the whole picture and think thru all options. Your blog tells me you DO have a game plan!!! Good. I have a saying that goes like this : DON'T TAKE ME FOR GRANTED, BECAUSE UNLIKE OTHERS, I'M NOT AFRAID TO WALK AWAY!

[Jessica Ambrose]

Hi Janelle,

I know exactly what you mean. I lost 60 pounds this last year and went from a size 14 to a size 6 but the truth is every time someone makes a comment it shocks me. First it shocks me that they even noticed or that it would be important enough to them to make a comment about. I was about to say that I am the same person I was before but that would be a lie. I have always wanted to be a runner but would never get up and do it. One day I decided if I wanted to be a runner I would have to run. I started slow but I am now a runner, well a very slow runner, but a runner just the same. Keep up the good work!