Janelle Brown: Lightning Strikes and Changing the Conversation

12/26/2012

Janelle Brown of Sister Wives is Kody's second wife. Follow along on her journey forward to weight loss and a healthier lifestyle.

I am a chronic over-scheduler. I come from a long line of over-schedulers and my daughter, Maddie, is showing the signs of being cut from the same cloth. It is partly because of the good old-fashioned work ethic my parents blessed/cursed me with! I plan my to-do list each morning, which includes setting up all of my appointments and meetings. At this time of day, I am the most optimistic about how much time will bend for me and how efficient I am going to be that day.

It seems that common words of wisdom include such things as “just learn how to say no,” and “prioritize.” For many years I gave those ideas lip service, repeating them often to family and friends. While I do not discount those ideas, I am often caught in situations where, as a self-employed person, there is no way to say no. Add this to a list of commitments having to do with kids and family -- which are pretty much immovable -- and I have a calendar traffic jam. So I trudge along, often finding myself melting down and in tears as I shuttle off to my next commitment.

While it is true that my family structure has long enabled this chronic over-scheduling, I recently had a lightning-strike type of moment: I realized it was my very personal internal conversation that was setting the limits on what I could and could not do. The things I tell myself about the way things are. It is the conversation you don’t always hear yourself having, but if you sit quietly, you will. Mine kind of goes like this “you are maxed to your capacity, you cannot do anything more, just give up," or “wow, you have no idea what you are doing, that is too hard,” or “you don’t have the energy to push this venture any further." My internal lightning strike was that I realized I could change that mental conversation I was having with myself. I started make an effort to tell myself that “I can finish everything on my plate, and I have all the time and skill I need to accomplish everything I NEED to do.” It is interesting that in addition to having an increased capacity to do more, I am finding myself able to naturally prioritize and set realistic limits, but I had to empower myself to do it all first.

The changing of this internal conversation is slowly leaking into other aspects of my life -- including my workouts. In the morning, when I feel like I am going to just die if I push for that extra few minutes of hard cardio, I tell -- and sometimes scream to -- myself just to make sure I’m convinced, “you can do this” or “I want this.”

It all really boils down to the fact that I have learned I can change the conversation in every aspect of my life. And by changing that deep personal conversation, I have empowered myself to do things I never before imagined. Thank goodness for lightning!

Get updates from Janelle on Twitter @JanelleBrown117 and @TLC!

Related Links

• 5 Ego-Boosting Exercises
• How to Find Your Healthy Weight
• Control Cravings with Breakfast
• Weight Loss Quiz

Comments

[Rebecca]

Being an Army Wife I have to prioritize what I need to get done versus what I want to accomplish and allot the amounted time to the task. There are days that I do find it hard to say "No" when I can see that something really needs to get done and I'm the only one that has the time to get it done.

[connie krozel]

I used to overload on what I put on my plate for myself. I had trouble saying no to people who needed help and I would sometimes put off my own things to accommodate others. I hadthat strike of lightening as well. But mine said..if you can't give 100 percent to what you're sou.g, you're not really helping the other people as much as you think.you are. That and I was two shades away from having a meltdown. Lol.

[Rhonda and Sandrine]

We applaud you for recognizing the conversation and that it takes you in the wrong direction. Often we buy into that conversation because we do not know what else to do. We stick with what we know because change means leaving our old selves behind. We need to dream of something better, and believe that it is achievable, in order to make the leap. Good job Janelle!

[Julie]

Wow, I can so relate to what you are saying! Thank you for the "lightening strike" and sharing this blog with others. Sometimes it is so hard to say "no". Time to put myself on the list of to-dos!

[Jane Write]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with making a list and prioritizing. Even if you don't get everything accomplished.. pushing things to the next day in most cases won't be the end of the world. It's funny how most of the time its the internal influences of ourselves preventing us from moving forward rather than negative external influences. Hang in there! If you can't take one day at a time, then try one hour or one minute.
Some infamous advice from my late-father: "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff!"

[Joyce Topping]

I ALWAYS overload myself! Somehow, I seem to get everything done, but during the Holiday's, it's even more stressful for me. I'm a Real Estate Agent here in Orange County, CA. When I'm trying to get Christmas together AND I have a listing/Open House/Opening Escrow or something else stressful with work, it's double crazy for me. It's been like this for me this Christmas and I haven't really been able to eat or sleep the last couple of weeks. We women try to do so much for our families, that we tend to forget about ourselves. Every once in a while, I realize I need to disappear and get lost for a couple of hours and I go to a movie by myself. That gives me the re-charge that I need. So just remember to do something just for YOU. How are you doing in your Real Estate endeavor? Hope it's picking up out there!

[Rena]

I used to be this way, now I have a hard time getting minor home tasks done. Cudos to you for being able to balance! You are an inspiration to me!

[Linda]

I can only imagine how hectic it must be living in a plural family. I get wore out just WATCHING one of your episodes, let alone living it. I would love living in a plural family without the husband sharing that is. I come from a family of 10 children and I know how much fun it was having so many around at all times to share the daily happenings with. I miss that now that I have grown and left home to have my own family. It takes a lot to keep everything in order. My mom and dad did just that. I commend you for being the strong person that you are. And by the way you look fantastic. With that determination I know you will reach your goal one day. God Bless you and your wonderful family!

[SuZann Lund]

It is amazing how much power our thoughts have. I'm always trying to harness this power for my good and not let it derail my actions. Thanks for your reminder that we need to talk positive to ourselves!

[Suzy]

Great blog today! I can easily relate to what you are saying about having the right conversation with ourselves. Sometimes it seems like it's easier to accept defeat instead of pushing ourselves. Thanks for sharing.

[Roselee Martinez]

I think your great ! You are what keeps the house together and running smoothly. I love the way it all fits in a perfect place and I think thats your doing. I love the blend of the entire family. God I wish I had one jus like yours. Cody gets on my nerves at time, but you all check him in place. I just cant say enough about you... You are the glue to the Family Browns. Hope the show stays on I love to watch it.. Also Im on a diet now and just by cutting out sugar Im slowly losing weight. I hope that you will find that healthy loss soon too. God Bless and keep yo n your family.....Rose

[Amber]

Thanks for another great post Janelle. You are inspirational!

[layla]

I wish you all the success in the world, not only in your weight loss journey but also in your life journey. You are my favorite "sister wife". Although it is a shame that you have to shoulder so much responsibility, can't your sisterwives help.

[Sandy Diehl]

My internal voice usually says to me "if you don't do it, it won't get done." With my husband working out of town six months of the year and three kids and a full time demanding job, I will push myself to exhaustion. So... The house now isn't any where near how I would like it to be, dinners consist of grilled cheese sandwiches or pizza at least once a week, and when my husband is home, I don't even walk into the laundry room.... That is his job until he goes back out of town!

[Laura S.]

that is awesome advice Janelle.. as 2013 approaches, I am so going to try this in my resolution to being a new and improved me!..thanks!!!

[Lori]

I have really enjoyed your blogs. You share such useful and relevant experiences and insights that all women go through (no matter whar race, religion, or background you are). Good luck to you in everything you are striving for!

[Jacque Cheatham]

Janelle, you are no alone with being an over-scheduler. Alot of mine comes from not being able to say "no" or "my plate is full right now." My plan for 2013 is to incorporate these words into my vocabulary to improve a healthier lifestyle for me and the ability to loose a few pounds taking better care of myself. Thank you for the inspiration to give to me.

[April]

Hello Janelle!! well you should be so lucky you have a schedule mine is work and home. But i do try to have a schedule but nothing ever works out like you want sometimes lol. I love your show by the way. I hope all is well with you and your family. May GOD be with you and yours :-)

[Mickey]

You are very well written....I love reading your posts....You really should think about writing a book....
I love the show and think your family is wonderful...you are all beautiful caring people and have passed that on to your children...I know some of your neighbors whose children attend school with yours and am told they are happy, well adjusted and very curtious!

[Jill Plank]

All of us (women) think we have to be superwoman to win the approval, respect or love of others; especially when it comes to our children and their activities. No of us want to look like a "bad mom"; so we overbook or overstress ourselves to try to please others when what we need to focus on letting those we care about know whatever is important to them is important to us even if we can't be there every time or can't always volunteer to spearhead a project they are involved in. The truth is, we just have to be honest with them and most importantly ourselves and be happy with doing our best.

[Pat]

I have such a hard time saying no.

[Krystal McFalls]

Good advice! Im one to usually talk myself out of productivity..I need to mentally set myself up for success...Good stuff!

[tereca pena]

Jenelle hi! my name is Tereca and I have a 11 year old daughter. She is the only child. She always wanted to have brothers and sisters. Well that was not in our cards. I was have a aunt on my mother side and one one my sisters side that are LDS. I was actually a member of the church. My daughter was Blessed in the church. My husband joined the Army and we traveled. I like to give my daughter a understanding and appreciation for other cultures and beliefs. We watch your show and she has so many questions I can never answer. She also ask why we can't have that many sisters and brothers. I told her i would ask if we can spend a week with you and your family so that we can both understand and experience what life is like as a family and not just me and her. So to sum it up I'd love to come out there to you guys and get to know you and also bring to you some of our Cajun roots.

[tereca pena]

Jenelle hi! my name is Tereca and I have a 11 year old daughter. She is the only child. She always wanted to have brothers and sisters. Well that was not in our cards. I was have a aunt on my mother side and one one my sisters side that are LDS. I was actually a member of the church. My daughter was Blessed in the church. My husband joined the Army and we traveled. I like to give my daughter a understanding and appreciation for other cultures and beliefs. We watch your show and she has so many questions I can never answer. She also ask why we can't have that many sisters and brothers. I told her i would ask if we can spend a week with you and your family so that we can both understand and experience what life is like as a family and not just me and her. So to sum it up I'd love to come out there to you guys and get to know you and also bring to you some of our Cajun roots.

[Denice]

Thanks for another inspirational blog!
I think most of our generation of women have a hard time saying no and/or admitting our plate is already full. The attitude leads to lots of extra stress and for me stress leads to overeating.
I am going to listen and take control of my internal conversation. Great way to think of it!