Some of my critics have noted that I’ve been writing a lot lately about the pros and cons of developments that so far exist only in science fiction, such as warp drives for spacecraft and head transplantation. Why don’t you write about something that actually might happen?, they chide me. My response: Let’s see if you like this week’s topic better. Should we be better prepared for a flesh-eating zombie attack?
OK, roll your eyes back into your head. That seemingly far-fetched menace is the subject of an actual scientific study, “When Zombies Attack! Mathematical Modelling of an Outbreak of Zombie Infection." In the paper, which is included in the just-released book Infectious Disease Modelling Research Progress, University of Ottawa assistant professor of mathematics Robert Smith? (that’s not a typohis surname ends with a question mark) and several of his students mathematically model the impact of a pandemic of reanimated corpses who’ve turned into cannibalsa scenario similar to the one depicted in director George Romero’s 1968 classic horror flick, Night of the Living Dead, and multiple sequels. Their predicted outcome is, well, horrific:
An outbreak of zombies infecting humans is likely to be disastrous, unless extremely aggressive tactics are employed against the undead. While aggressive quarantine may eradicate the infection, this is unlikely to happen in practice. A cure would only result in some humans surviving the outbreak, although they will still coexist with zombies. Only sufficiently frequent attacks, with increasing force, will result in eradication, assuming the available resources can be mustered in time.
Furthermore, these results assumed that the timescale of the outbreak was short, so that the natural birth and death rates could be ignored. If the timescale of the outbreak increases, then the result is the doomsday scenario: an outbreak of zombies will result in the collapse of civilization, with every human infected, or dead. This is because human births and deaths will provide the undead with a limitless supply of new bodies to infect, resurrect and convert. Thus, if zombies arrive, we must act quickly and decisively to eradicate them before they eradicate us.
Now, I know what you skeptics out there are thinking. Why prepare for a zombie attack when the chances of this actually happening are nil, since zombies don’t actually exist? Well, let me point out that the supposed death panel provision in proposed health-care reform legislation doesn’t actually exist either, and that’s not stopping people from shouldering their AR-15s and marching outside town hall meetings in outrage. So why not arm and organize ourselves against the prospect of an onslaught of imaginary rampaging ghouls as well?
Beyond that, however, I would argue that unlike many of the things we fear, there actually is at least a possible, albeit tenuous, basis in reality for concern about zombies. As the excellent HowStuffWorks.com article on zombies details, the idea of zombies originated in Haiti, where folklore contains tales of corpses reanimated by sorcerers and turned into mindless slaves. Occasionally, people actually will show up in Haiti who claim to have been resurrected and turned into zombies. Back in 1993, for example, Cox news service correspondent Anne-Marie O’Connor actually interviewed a purported zombie named Andre Ville Jean-Paul over lunch at a Port-au-Prince bistro. Jean-Paul explained that voodoo cultists had unearthed his coffin and handed him over to a houngana voodoo priest.
The houngan put him to work in the rice fields with 18 other zombies, he said. Calling themselves "beef in the garden," they slaved in the nude, supervised by a dwarf zombie whose attire consisted of a belt of bells around his waist that tinkled when he danced.
They were fueled by a steady diet of moonshine, rice, biscuits, bananas, charcoal and meat they were told was human flesh, he said.
After an undetermined number of years, one of the zombies could take no more and he beat their master to death, breaking the spell of their servitude, Jean-Paul said. Disoriented, they wandered out of their compound, clutching their farming implements.
"We were wandering like cows in the streets," Jean-Paul said. "We didn't know where to go."
Harvard-trained ethnobotanist and explorer Wade Davis, who investigated the zombie phenomenon in the 1980s and wrote the best-selling 1985 book The Serpent and the Rainbow based upon his experiences, came up with a science-based possible explanation. Davis obtained samples of the voodoo sorcerers’ zombie powder and found that they contained, among other ingredients, puffer fish, whose skin and organs contain tetrodotoxin, a potent poison that binds to nerve cell membranes and blocks transmissions in anyone who ingests it. As this Biology Online article explains, Tetrodotoxin poisoning is often fatal, but in sub-lethal doses it can induce complete paralysis and slow heartbeat and respiration to imperceptible levels, mimicking death so convincingly that tetrodotoxin-poisoning victims have been pronounced dead by medical rescuers, only to later awaken. Those would be the fortunate ones; the less fortunate find themselves sealed into caskets and buried alive — or perhaps exhumed and revived by cultists. The latter then force-feed the undead a paste made of sweet potatoes, cane syrup and Datura, a genus of plant also known as the “zombie cucumber,” which contains the hallucinogens atropine and scopolamine, and induces symptoms that include confusion, delirium, psychosis and amnesia. To complete the zombification, victims are fed a salt-free diet, which keeps them listless and lethargic in Haiti’s sweltering climate.
Granted, that’s a slightly different explanation than the one given for the contagious flesh-eating zombies in Night of the Living Dead, who apparently have been reanimated by radiation from a returning space probe; in the sequels, the phenomenon is left unexplained, and the zombie outbreak morphs into a purely existential dilemma, like the fine print in our health insurance plans.
But whether real or imagined, a zombie attack is a potent metaphor. Think of the undead not as klutzy cannibals but as the X factor, the Rumsfeldian “unknown unknown," the totally unexpected menace that suddenly confronts us. (The Canadian researchers’ mathematical modeling of zombie attacks maybe seem like an elaborate joke, but in actuality it was led by a mathematician whose expertise is in studying the spread of actual epidemics such as malaria and West Nile Virus, and its underlying purpose was to demonstrate the progression of a rapidly spreading, unfamiliar public health threat.) In recent experience we’ve been confronted increasingly with such X factors, ranging from AIDS to terrorism to climate change. And time and again, we’ve been exposed as dangerously unprepared to deal with such paradigm-shattering threats. I’m not talking about stocking up on bottled water and Spam, having a battery-powered radio, a shotgun and the ingredients for Molotov cocktails. I’m talking about our societal tendency to do exactly what most of the characters in the Romero movies do when confronted with a zombie attack — i.e., to become hysterical and fight among themselves for control of the group, which ultimately leads to them squandering resources and opportunities for survival, and undermining each others’ efforts. I think we need to find a way to tone down the cable TV news-induced histrionics and learn to cooperate towards a common objective, before some real menace arrives to do us in.
So what do you think? Express your opinion below.
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