Different, but the Same

09/22/2009

It’s been pretty obvious for most of their lives that my kids are extremely different from one another.  That’s not so unusual – so many parents say the same of their kids.  But it still surprises me more and more each day.   

O and MJ don’t even look alike, I don’t think.  O is fair with blue eyes and blond curly hair.  MJ is darker, with straighter brown hair and big brown eyes.  They loathe each other’s choices in everything - especially music and TV (although I think it’s part of some unspoken contract in which they can never like the same thing at the same time).  Both love to be outdoors – but MJ likes to be swimming, running, biking, playing.   O prefers to commune with nature and insists we go slowly and quietly and look at every little thing.  He often yells at me for being “the noisiest walker on the face of the earth”.  Sorry!  Like most girls her age, MJ would be in heaven spending every day at the mall.  A 10 minute shopping trip can make O break out in hives.  So, it can be challenging. 

As babies and toddlers, they were so very different.  O always demanding interaction – and always insisting on being in the same room with me - while MJ would hide somewhere in the house, just so she could play alone.  When O started school, he really liked to ‘work the room’ and meet everyone and talk to every adult that crossed his path.  When MJ started school 2 years later, her teachers described her as ‘a friend to all’ – as long as no one was looking.   So while their differences have been apparent from an early age, they’ve never been as obvious as they are now – with each of them really coming into their own.

For the first time in her life, MJ is at a school without O looming ahead of her.   O’s gregariousness makes him a tough act to follow.  MJ likes to slip by under the radar – never needing to make herself known.  I think she walks the halls with her head held a little higher now, with no shadow of O to keep her down.  The other day, she said “This is my favorite outfit.”  I noticed that her shirt, pants and jacket were all from her new favorite mall store, and that she was wearing the designer sneakers that she begged me to buy her all summer.  She was so happy, I couldn’t help but smile.  I could see how good she felt in what she was wearing – even if it was the standard ‘uniform’ of jeans and a hooded sweatshirt.  She even spent some time and wore her hair differently (a small miracle).  She looked really, really cute.  The mere thought of designer clothes makes O hurl.  I can’t even get him to comb his hair when he gets out of the shower!  He says he likes that ‘no maintenance’ look.  There are no fashionistas at O’s new school - it’s levis, sweatshirts and work boots – and that is beyond perfect for him.

O just started high school at a new school and by the second day, he’d already met someone who has a green cheeked conure, the type of parrot that he has as a pet.  He said how nice it was to finally have something to talk about at school other than sports.  This place seems to be a perfect place for him.  With every report from O on the new school, MJ becomes more certain that she is NEVER going to attend here.  This is SO not what she is about!  Wearing work boots to school?  Are you serious?  “It’s so very fashionable!” she says as she rolls her eyes.  As perfect as it is for him – it’s so totally not perfect for her.

But isn’t it amazing how the standard teenage uniform of jeans and sweatshirts can mean such vastly different things to two people?  Jeans and sweatshirts are what both of my kids are wearing to school – but it’s different jeans and different sweatshirts.  Not the same at all, they tell me.  I can understand why it’s so important to MJ to have her designer label clothing and sneakers to make her feel part of the in-crowd.  I couldn’t wait to get my Sisley jeans from Tellos when I was in Middle School.  And having grown up with 4 levi wearing brothers, who were anti all-popular-things (like disco and big hair), I can equally understand why it’s so important to O to have no designer anything to make him feel like he’s in the loop.  Are they that different?  They both just want to fit in (who doesn’t?) and to feel like they belong. 

Hate to jinx it, but this is the best back-to-school year we’ve ever had.  No drama of any kind, and everyone is happy.  Knock on wood.  Wouldn’t it be nice to think that in every life situation all it will take to make them feel good about themselves and give them a sense of belonging is to put on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt?  Does it need to be harder than that?  No, but it usually is.  Whether in designer jeans or a pair of work boots, we all just want to be comfortable and accepted.  No, I guess they’re not that different after all.  They are both just perfect.