How to Get a Deckhand to Talk to the Camera

05/12/2009

Hello, and welcome to the Greenhorn Diaries. I would like to thank you guys for all the nice things and great questions you emailed me. Keep them coming. 

Now, let's get to the show!

In the end, I convinced Todd that I would be OK to stay on the boat.  Keep in mind I had no clue if I was going to be OK, but I figured I would be.  So thankfully I got to stay aboard, working, puking and working.

The worst feeling you can have on a crab boat (even worse than seasickness) is an empty pot.  When you’re not on the crab:

 * the long hours feel longer; 
 * the cold weather feels colder; 
 * and the strings just never seem to end.

It's like getting your paycheck in the mail, opening up the envelope and finding nothing inside. It's like working for free, and it's almost as hard on us as it is on the fishermen.  When things get bad, the guys get grumpy, and when crab fishermen get grumpy, they turn on you like an ex-girlfriend.   When these guys are not on the crab and thus not happy, it becomes nearly impossible for us to do our job. Let's say, for instance, I want to know how terrible the fishing is.  These are the steps I must take to get an answer out of an overworked, miserable and hungry crew.

1)    I’ll ask, “How’s the fishing?,” and they’ll respond with one word answers like “slow,” “bad” or “huh?” One-word answers just won’t cut it. I need more from them, and they know that.  So what do I do?  We move on to step two.

2)    They start to get annoyed with me, so I’ll wait a few hours.  Then I’ll ask a different question designed to get the same response I needed from the first question:  “So how is the fishing different today than from yesterday?”  They’ll answer that question with, “How do you think it’s different?,” or “Because yesterday was yesterday,” or “You’re still here?”  Notice I still didn’t get a good answer from anyone.  Oh, what to do? I need an answer! Here comes step three.

3)    Step three occurs without any questions at all.  I’ll ease off and just shoot on deck, minding my own business and waiting for something to happen. Then they’ll notice me.  Maybe I accidentally find myself in the way. They’ll say things like "Get the #*@! out of here!" or "Turn that #*@!'ing camera off or I'll shove it up your #*@!" Ha ha  ... If I had a dollar for every time someone told me to #*@!'ing leave, I could build a boat out of dollar bills and sail home. 

4)    Once you hit step four, you need drastic measures to get the guys back on your side.  For me, there is only one way to get them back, and it works without fail every time ... FOOD. That’s right, food.  I’ll make them one of my two specialties: grilled cheese or corn dogs.

It’s that easy. You come on deck with corn dogs while these guys are on a 20-hour workday, and you’ll get the same reaction Jesus got when he turned water into wine.  You become an instant hero, and they’ll answer any question you have. It makes things OK; it makes empty tummies full; it turns frowns upside down. Behold the power of the corn dog -- my secret weapon to surviving the Bering Sea.

Once again, if you have any questions or comments, please email me at me@joshsilberman.com.

Comments

[Nikki34]

Josh, I read this and got a really good laugh! Some how I can hear them saying profanities at you...it seems that having them being filmed all the time would get anoying. The Grilled Cheese and Corn Dogs are classics for quick fixes to anything...lol. Do you think they would ever put a fan on the show, to have the experience of a life time?

[Becca]

I think your entries are hilarious and informative, Josh. I commend you on what you do, and for the innovative way that you roll with the punches! Keep it up - I will continue to read!

[Patti]

OH my God..if you really want love, give em hot chocolate chip cookies.
The Toll House pre mixed will do.
Send my love to the skip. I truly love Phil

[maria]

As i was reading this entry Josh, i was thinkin....two things come to mind when men are hard at work: Tired & Hungry.

[Annetta]

The wonder of a good snack. I totally enjoyed reading this account. I figured you had your work cut out for you trying to get comments from a busy, had working crew. Your efforts have paid off in a big way, hours of good guality television. We as fans get to share the experience. Thank you.

[tracy]

All you guys have all my love and please be safe. I watch this show every week and during the all day marathons. I just cain't get enough. Thanks to all the camera crew for getting us all the shots that you do.

[Diana Richards]

I love the Harris family! The bond and the fights, the pranks that they have just make's you feel like a part of the family. I hope you guys have a safe and not to mention a healthy next season.

[Steph in Canada]

Your deer-fornicating hat is excellent! I wonder.. who knit it for you?