Panic Attack No. 2

July 05, 2008

OK, so I should have written you yesterday, after my first night in the tented camp. I was just too busy. I had to run around all day, and then when I finally found the camp it was much harder to set up than I had expected. So the first night I was in the camp, a male lion roared about 30 feet from my tent. It was five minutes to 11 p.m. I know, because it woke me up and I spent the rest of the night lying awake wondering what I had gotten myself into. Yup, that's panic attack No. 2. I feel like the panic that time was from being cut off from humanity so abruptly. You take for granted, even as a loner like myself, that you can call or go and see someone or even sit in a restaurant and see strangers. All of the sudden I'm alone and with no access to anything. I don't even have a vehicle when I'm sleeping out here.

Oh, did I tell you it is freezing at night here? Yeah, that's right — below 0°C at night, and I'm in a tent wishing I had company. Guess what else? I saw a lion today. The grumpy Gus charged me, though. I was in the truck, so it wasn't so bad, and she had no intention of doing anything. I will fill you in later; my battery is dying and it is freezing. My fingers can't type anymore. It's 8 p.m. and I'm already in bed!

A Lonely Yet Exciting Life

July 08, 2008

(The only way I know the day or date is because when I type the month the day comes up. I've already lost track of the days.)

Well, it's been a few days now. I feel like I am finding my feet here. You can see that it's been three days since I wrote. I have to send my computer out of the tented camp to get charged, and it just isn't high on their priority list these days to get it charged and sent back. I'm just happy that they don't prioritize my food the same way. I have been eating pretty well. I am a pretty simple eater, so I have been throwing some meat over the fire and some potatoes in the fire and it's been nice. Let's see if I can catch you up.

I have been getting used to being alone out here. I was really shaken up that first night, and things have been getting better each night. In fact, I can even say now that I am sitting at the camp all alone and enjoying it! I'm living a lonely, yet exciting life right now! They conflict, but seem to be working out enough for me to be smiling most of the day.

Peaceful Moments

July 10, 2008

So, I have had a lot of action around my camp these days. I think the lions like my new place as much as I do. I had a lion hanging out in the same thicket where I have, well, my men’s room, let's call it. They seem to be fine with me here, and I am fine with them there.

I am having quite a few peaceful moments these days. I am really starting to like all the alone time that I am getting. I went and laid next to a bank on the opposite side of the dam to where my camp is. As I laid there, animals would come up to the dam for a drink. Most of them didn't even know that I was there. This morning I went on a walk by myself. It's nice to have a chance to go on walks and not take the crew. Without the crew, I find that I get to focus on whatever I feel like and I don't have to wonder if I am boring people with the rantings of my lunatic thoughts.

Guilt at Dawn

Another chilly morning — I've woken up before the sun. As I sit here drinking my coffee, I'm really loving the slower-paced life I have begun. I have just been sitting here, though, feeling a bit guilty about some of the things that I have put upon some people. What most hits home about what I have happily left behind — such as mortgages, emails from my BlackBerry, conference calls, and the general to do's around the house — is that those things haven't stopped; I just pushed the responsibilities off to someone else. That just dawned on me today, and the guilt hit me just shortly afterward. All the things I hate the most I pawned off onto someone who loves me enough to do it.

My poor father gets to deal with all my personal banking, including making sure the mortgages get paid and credit card bills are dealt with, as well as anything else that comes up. My unlucky friend and business partner, Oloff, has to deal with all my work finances and business-related communication. Two of my best friends, Kerri and Miles, whom I have a house with in Toronto, get to oversee all my house renovations and make sure all the chores are done around the house, etc., and so on! The funny thing is that my life runs better when they are dealing with all those things.

Anyway, the crew is here. I get to go walking now. Write later!

So Learns the Child, So Does the Adult

July 12, 2008

It's late at night and I am nicely tucked away in my sleeping bag. Every night so far has been below freezing. I wear really well-designed special pjs (no, I have no idea why they are special, but they are comfy and warm), and I sleep in a really nice sleeping bag. I sleep on the ground, which is uncomfortable for my bad back, but I deal.

I find it funny how you remember something as a kid and learn how it becomes a part of you as an adult. I realized this morning that so many of the things that I do now, as far as camping goes are what I did as a child in the bush in Canada with my dad. Don't get me wrong. I didn't grow up with a lumberjack for a father; we just liked to go camping together.

The Naming of Lions

Man, I forgot to mention that I started naming the lions. It's so fun! OK, so the first female I met was cute but a bit of a fighter, so I called her "Cleopatra." Next, her boyfriend was a bit of a brute to me, so I saw fit to call him "Brutus" (left).

His brother is a nice-looking blond male, and I thought, what a better bookend but to call him "Otis."

As I mentioned earlier tonight, another mother in the pride is called "Winnie the Pooh." She was very cuddly looking, so I thought that was a nice name. I have always wanted a lion named that!

It's still late at night and I'm freezing my fingers off trying to type.

The New Kid

July 13, 2008

I'm not what you would call a sensitive man. Shocked? But when it comes to animals, I have a soft spot. In fact, you might even say that I am a bit too sensitive. You can then imagine my state of mind when I tell you that I am having trouble making friends at my new home. I feel like the new kid at school that no one wants to talk to because he acts a bit different. Let me assure you, none of the animals around here have seen a person act like me, nor have they had any people friends.

The lions have been nothing but mean to me. They constantly growl at me; they have charged my vehicle almost every time I see them. They are being bullies! To make matters worse, all the animals around my camp are afraid of me. I have tried to befriend the two resident crocodiles, whom I have named "Smiles" and "Blur." While I was trying to be their friend the other day, Blur ran away from me, as usual, and Smiles tried to bite me! How mean is that? Even one of my favorite animals to play with — the giraffe — wont play with me. Every time I start walking with some, they run away. They know that I can't keep up with them. You'd think that they are doing it on purpose.

All I can  say about my greeting from the animals at my new home is that they have been less than kind. They are just being plain mean! My feelings are very hurt.

Aggressive Kitties

July 14, 2008

I wish I could begin this journal entry on a different note than how I ended the last one, but I can't. I spent the morning with the cats today. I think this was the first time the entire pride was together. The boys, Brutus and Otis (left), and a female, that I named "Fitty" today, have been eating a giraffe carcass for the past few days. I haven't seen much of Whinny and Cleopatra. To be honest, going a few days without seeing Cleo has been just fine. Today we found that Brutus, Otis and Fitty and both sets of cubs had all joined up with Cleo and Whinny on a large male kudu carcass. The kill had been made days ago from the looks of it, but there was no way for me to know exactly who killed it.

On my arrival in the film crew's truck to the family reunion, Cleopatra welcomed me with a ton of growling and some nice charges. The boys gave a few half-hearted charges spurred on by Cleo and Fitty. To be honest, no one was happy to see me. I really think these cats are too aggressive. Cleopatra kept charging even after we had been there for an hour. She would regularly get up, and even if we hadn't changed a thing, she would give us a charge. I'm not sure if she is either a really protective mother or she just needs to have her head examined. I am sure, however, that I'm starting to think that I need my head examined. I don't know how I feel about my plans to make friends with these aggressive kitties.

My Awesome Crew

July 16, 2008

I got on foot with the lions again today! When I say that, I mean I walked with the cats instead of viewing them from the filming vehicle. I really hate being in the vehicle — one because the film guys have different agendas than I do, but two, because the cats hate them! The film crew and I made a deal at the beginning of this project: they would do everything possible to tell my story and to help me tell everyone who is interested the lions' story. In turn, I would forget about the whole idea of a camera crew being there, or that this is my job. On this journey, you get me being me, and no preconceived notions of what I am supposed to be. Unfortunately, that creates conflict between me doing my thing on my own and having to include other people to film it.

The crew is awesome, so I will fill you in on them like I will on the cats. They will come up a lot, because they are the only humans I will be interacting with out here. They show up for a few hours in the morning, from wherever the jerks go to sleep, and come get me again later in the afternoon. The crew is as follows:

A Test of the Ego

July 20, 2008

I guess this is the time that I would be expected to start showing cracks in the armor of my ego — discussing the hard truth of how unromantic the bush is, or how hard it is to live without the normal comforts of the city. Everyone can hide behind the armor of an ego for a short while, but eventually as time goes on you inevitably realize that the image your ego creates of yourself may not be entirely you. Although I am well aware that all those things are true (there are unromantic things about being here, it is hard to be living in a tent, and I do have a large ego), but at this point I am still finding a great peace and serenity being here. So for now, my intellect is allowing my ego to continue its disillusion of me really needing to be away from the city for a while.

My ego has been a great topic of thought for me these days. I felt the other day I had an overwhelming feeling that I was about to test my ego to the extreme. I feel like everyone has a set of skills that they believe themselves to be good at. I think that it is rare you truly get the chance to test those skills and see if you really are as good as you think you are, or if your ego has let you believe you are. I have been putting myself in situations lately with some of these aggressive lions where, if I am what I think I am, I will be able to handle whatever I am getting into. However, if my ego is what has led me to believe that I can handle the lions and not my knowledge, then these situations could have cost me my life.