My Kid is Talking to a Tree, But He Ain’t Got Nothin’ on Me

10/01/2009

Muns. Case. Corny. And She.

These were the names of my imaginary friends. At least that's what my mother claims. I'm not certain where I got the names from, but I suspect it had something to do with my father complaining that people were nutcases or songs were corny.
 

Not sure about She but, given that I am one, that's probably its origin.

But don't worry. I'm not still hanging with my four made-up pals (at least not in public). We were tight, carrying on long conversations back when I was three, four, five years old. Whenever someone knocked on the door, I'd announce that it was one of these four characters, and my mother would play along and answer the door.

 
My aunt had similar delusions. When she was a kid, she used to play with pretend buddies Panicen and Pee. Panicen even used to get her own placemat, knife, and fork at the dinner table. Poor Pee didn't because she was only a baby.

Given this odd family history, I shouldn't have been surprised when my three- (almost four-) year-old son Punk recently claimed that the wall stole his cookie—or when this past weekend he struck up a conversation with a tree.

Yes. A tree.

It was pretty basic, as conversations go.

"Hi tree. How are you?"

According to Punk, the tree said it was fine, and, in turn, asked after Punk's health.

So while my younger twin, T-Rex, is asking endless questions of me, my older one is interrogating a tree.

Now, I am all for the boys getting in touch with nature, which is challenge enough in our asphalt 'hood. But chatting with inanimate objects? I'm just not sure. I mean, if an adult was seen yakking with a shrub, there would likely be some speculation that they're a couple tacos short of a combination platter.

(Plant freaks who name their houseplants and talk to them to coax growth get a free pass. And you know who you are.)

But, being Punk's mother, I, of course know that he has no shortage of tacos; heck, he's got extras. I should be more worried about me and my aunt—we actually talked to stuff that doesn’t exist. So, time to do some investigating.

According to old-school thinking among psychologists and psychiatrists, imaginary friends are rare and could be cause for concern, possibly indicating problems like insecurity, timidity, and withdrawal. Even the famous Dr. Spock advised seeking help from mental health professionals if a child was too immersed in pretend friends.

Popular movies have stoked this sort of thinking. First there was Drop Dead Fred, who haunts a troubled girl into adulthood. Then came Don't Look Under the Bed, where the imaginary friend turns into the Boogey Man. And then followed Hide and Seek, in which an evil figment of a girl's imagination goads her into bloody violence.

But in the world of child development, scientists' thinking has done a 180. Imaginary friends are common—about 30 to 60 percent of people report having had them between ages three and nine—and they also benefit kids, find psychologists like Marjorie Taylor and Stephanie M. Carlson. Among other things, pretend buddies can:

• Fuel kids' creativity and imagination.
• Help kids become better conversationalists and more empathetic and emotionally responsive.
• Foster narrative skills that aid kids' reading later on.

That said, we parents shouldn't be duped by imaginary friends either. I know how much T-Rex likes to blame his various messes on Punk; just imagine how handy an imaginary friend could be for that sort of scapegoating.

"No mommy, that wasn't me who pressed the alarm button on your key-ring and called the cops. That was the Bellycoaster [a T-Rex invention who surfaces when tackling his parents]."

Uh. No. Imaginary friends may great for stimulating the imagination, but they won't be taking the fall in our house. I'll be happy to open the door for them, though, or set out an extra plate at the table.

My biggest reservation: If either of my kids gets into imaginary friends as much as I did, to the point of giving four different ones goofy names, they might be at risk for turning into as big a whack-job as their mother. God forbid, they might even try to make a living as a writer. My one comfort is that at least neither one is left-handed.

Comments

[lil]

Talking to trees, huh? I think I might just try it. Does it have to be a particular type or shape of tree? (Ask Punk.) At least I have the feeling the conversation is likely to go my way for once.

[sng]

In my experience, it's usually an only child or the older kid in the family that has imaginary friends, and I've always thought that the kid creates these make-believe playmates out of loneliness. Then, when the younger sibling comes along and is finally not asleep in a crib most of the day, the make-believe playmates are finally superceded by real playmates. Does the research back up this theory?

[Kate McFadden]

Great post Bridget. Just make sure you keep Punk away from Home Depot. They're selling those tree "faces" - with Redskin hats attached. Honestly, a park peppered with those would be pretty wonderful, don't ya think!

[Cyberchondriacmom]

Kate, ha, thanks for the tip. Will be sure to keep Punk out of Home Depot. He'd be a menace in there anyway, unless securely strapped down (that's the only way I can take them to the grocery store).

SNG, you are absolutely right. Research does show that older sibs more likely to have imaginary friends, and they think loneliness is a factor. Punk is older by 30 seconds. Does that count ;-)

[topaz]

What's that dark comment about lefties doing in your final sentence? Do you realize that both Michelangelo and Leondardo da Vinci were lefties, not to mention a slew of presidents including H.W. Bush, Bill Clinton, Harry Truman, and Barack himself (btw John McCain is a lefty too, so we were destined for lefthanded presidency this time). I assume you're a lefty too, which is probably linked to your creativeness - so celebrate it!!

[mtm1085]

Interestingly enough I have found both my 5 yo son and my 2 yo daughter talking to no one and/or objects. I have walked into the room to hear these very in depth conversations being carried on. My daughter does this more than my son. I don't think they have imaginary friends though - it seems to be more in the throes of playing