Tired of Worrying? Make a Date With It

08/27/2009

We’ve all been there—up at 3 a.m. obsessing about every little problem. Here's my brain stream from a few nights ago:   How do I get the boys to stop peeing against neighbors’ trees? Man, that one woman looked mad. There's no way I'm going to find size-three yellow tops and green bottoms (ewww) in time for their first day of school.

Whoa. Did I pay my credit-card bill? Those late payments are evil. Dog hair. Way too much dog hair in the house. We're all wearing it like an accessory. Did I just miss a dentist appointment? God, hope I didn't hit reply-all on that e-mail where I called the sender a blowhard.

Is it time for a new toothbrush? Got to be time for a new toothbrush. Still not sure what I think about these newfangled motorized ones. Wonder if Saddam Hussein really is dead. What if health-care reform drags on through 2011? Got to figure out how to block those "grow your penis" e-mails. I'm not exactly the target audience. I swear someone used "geek" as a verb in one e-mail today. "He's geeking on that app." Guess we just verbed another noun.

Stop me any time. Just recalling this list is making me start worrying again. As it was, my mind seemed to revel in it. The more I fretted, the more I fretted, my brain darting from worry to worry like a frenzied mosquito: Hope self-tanner doesn't cause cancer. Are you supposed to recycle shampoo bottles?

Finally, I’d had enough. It was time for desperate measures: sheep-counting. Problem is, that technique has never worked for me. So I went with dachshunds instead. Bad move. The thought of all those wiener dogs brought up the 2006 Superbowl commercial where a farmer with lousy cell reception orders 200 oxen and instead gets 200 dachshunds (stampede!). Was that Sprint or Verizon? I couldn’t remember, so I was back to obsessing.

Turns out all my worry-induced insomnia could have been avoided. The next day I stumbled on a blog post that stopped me short: In it, clinical psychology graduate student Michael D. Anestis, of Florida State University, makes the case that a good way to stop yourself from worrying is to schedule time for—worrying.

Again, what the…?

Seems more than a little counterintuitive.   But according to clinical psychologists—and based on research—the technique can actually help conquer worry. Why? Because you control the worry, instead of the other way around. It’s like you’re saying, “Look worry, you miserable excuse for a human emotion, you need to stop getting all up in my grille. Just back right on down. And I’ll let YOU know when you get your 30 minutes.”

Now for some people, whom I envy a good deal, worrying is just not an issue. They do things, they move on, and that's it. Our dog, Simba, is a good model of this. You scold her for jumping on the couch—she's not going to worry that you don't like her any more. She just gets off the couch, and as soon as you leave the room, she jumps right back on it.

Worriers, on the other hand, can't stop freaking about what could possibly go wrong. So, if Simba were a worrier, her main concern would probably be, "OK, so just because they've BEEN feeding me doesn't mean they'll keep doing it. What if they suddenly stop? Where would I get my Alpo? OMG. OMG. OMG." But, no, Simba's totally focused on right now— "Food. Eat. Good." Also, well, she's a dog, so she's not burdened by an overdeveloped prefrontal cortex, the über hub of human worry.

Now, of course, there is a spectrum of worriers, from mild cases to the extreme form, Generalized Anxiety Disorder. And in the lingo of psychologists, worry—concern about "what ifs"—really should be distinguished from rumination—obsessing about past events and revisiting problems. Regardless, both forms of self-torture are more common among women. And both forms can wreak havoc on your health, interfering with sleep, eating, and energy levels. In fact, a study just out this month and led by Purdue University 's Daniel K. Mroczek, found an association between chronic worrying and early death.

Nice.

Hence, it appears that worry-containment techniques, like scheduling time to do it, can actually keep you alive longer. (And all this time I thought it was just about eating more broccoli.)

How does worry scheduling work? Worriers are pretty attached to the worry—in a worrier's mind, fixating on problems is how they get fixed. So you can't just cut off the worry cold turkey. But if you set aside, say, 20 to 30 minutes a day to worry, you still get to do it, albeit in concentrated form.

There is, however, an important rule to be obeyed: No worrying between worrying sessions!   No fretting at work, kvetching at family-members, or tossing and turning allowed. During the worry sessions, it's just the opposite: Think only the most negative, worrisome thoughts, and banish all positive ones. Initially, you'll make yourself completely miserable each session, experts say. But, ultimately, you'll get bored and run out of worries.

Mission accomplished. You essentially worry yourself out of worrying. And I'll bet it works a lot better than trying to count dachshunds.

Comments

[Laura Eno]

Dachshunds are too short, they'd drag their feet as they flew over.

I suffer from the 'what-ifs', but writing is the one activity that helps shut the worrying off.

Great post!

[grace]

What keeps me awake to night is worrying about all the little tasks I might forget to accomplish the next day. And somehow they they seem to take over my brain right after the lights-out. So now I keep a notepad and pen next to my bed and try to list these Might-Be-Forgotten items before switching off, but I'm also prepared to switch on again if I think of something else. Once it's written down, it no longer bugs me. I suppose in a way I' m making a date with worry - putting it in its proper place.

[Mike Anestis]

Great post - and thanks for linking to Psychotherapy Brown Bag! Any efforts people make to spread knowledge about research like this are invaluable and doing so with a writing style as fun as yours is a particularly effective method. I really enjoyed reading this.

[topaz]

I like this approach to worry. I mean, if you have a worrying time scheduled, you're more likely to view the problems in a level-headed, practical way, decide if there's something you can do about them or not, and then move on...

[Cyberchondriacmom]

I have friends who swear by this method. But, truth be told, I can't seem to pick a good time of day to do it. I think much of this is because of the two 3-year-olds thing. They are quite....time consuming. So looks like I'll have to stick with counting dachshunds after all. Given their ground-scraping build (pointed out by Laura) I'll just have to imagine them coming out of a dog gate or something.

[gigi]

I think that just by postponing worry, you dimininish its power, and so by the time you get around to "worry time" you probably won't be able to remember what it is you're supposed to be worried about...! Maybe there's something to that old song "Don't Worry Be Happy."